Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’
Fridge cold love
In The Antelope pub on Eaton Terrace in SW1, two plain clothed policemen sat lamenting marital matters. One announced: “I’ve bought the wife a fridge for Valentine’s Day. Probably not the most romantic gift but she’s going to be well chilled”.
Fighting for a pint
On a 10.37am train to Whitstable from London Victoria, a group of men sat drinking tins of lager. A woman asked: “Where are you off to lads?” One replied: “We are going to 19 pubs. And we drink 19 pints each. And then we fight”. Another was later heard to comment: “At least Rhys Rogan isn’t with us today. Whenever he comes, the next day, there are pictures of people covered in blood on Facebook”.
Over baking a potato
In The Rock Lodge log cabin themed music and sports bar in Whitstable, two identically dressed ladies walked in on a Saturday at lunchtime. “Do you serve baked potatoes?” the first asked. The bartender replied: “Sorry, no”. The women turned on their feet and the second answered: “Well, that’s not good enough. We only do gluten free. We won’t be stopping here”.
The Four C’s: Climate Change, Charles and Camilla
In a country pub in Gloucestershire, two 50-something men sat reading the newspapers. One, picking up his pint, pontificated: “Prince Charles should keep out of politics. He should not speak about climate change. Donald Trump would deal with him. Close him down. Loser! Loser!” The other answered: “You’re dead right. And he shouldn’t have married that horse either. The four ‘C’s’ are nothing but a bloody menace”.
Times don’t change
A woman in a café in chatted with her friend. She observed: “In the 1990s, I used to get annoyed when my mother said: ‘Get off the Internet, I need to use the phone’. Now, I find myself telling my 5-year old kid: ‘Get off my smartphone, I need to text your deadbeat dad’.
Bring out the Blue Nun
“Chablis: Let me try”, requested a snotty middle-aged owman in the Polo Bar at The Westbury in Mayfair. On tasting, she exclaimed: “Disgusting. Not expensive tasting”. The bartender: “What do you like instead?” Her answer: “I heard Andrew Neil advocates Blue Nun. Do you have that?”