Classic clangers from the last week
Killing a festival
“I can’t believe the cheek” stated a student just back from a music festival: “Donna tried to kill herself in a Portaloo. What on earth’s wrong with her? Talk about effin’ inconsiderate. Sam Smith hadn’t even come on yet”.
Stinking wallpaper
“I was with Stinky Martin last night” declared a scaffolder in a café in SE1. “He wanted me to do his wallpapering at his ex-wife’s flat. I agreed though I’d never done it before”. His colleague answered: “What happened?” The first casually replied: “She is too gluey for me and she’s got BO. Before I’d got the first roll on, she tried it on. I got out after I’d distracted her by telling her to go and fetch the Lynx”.
Religiously happy
“I’m always willing to try something new” a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of The Latter-day Saints was overheard to say to his badged friend, Elder Zhao, on a bus on Kensington High Street. A fellow passenger turned and mockingly responded: “Have you thought about becoming gay?” The other Elder answered: “I’m perfectly happy, thank you”.
Pensioning off Williams
A pensioner in a pub in Sussex was overheard to lament the loss of her Labrador. She told the publican: “She was taken too soon. Everyone is going on about Robin Williams but they never knew him. I loved Bertha yet I’m the only one going on about her. She’s the one who should have a star in Hollywood”.
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