Classic clangers from the last week
Deflowering Miliband
At the Chelsea Flower Show, a grumpy granny was overheard lamenting the decline in fashion standards, objecting to those taking selfies and complaning about the cost of drinks. Her companion, plainly bored to tears, butted in and remarked: “Vera: Remember this… It’d be a lot worse if Ed Miliband had become Prime Minister… That stone of his would probably be gracing one of the gardens here and then you would really be justified in your moaning”.
A game mum
“I make 5½ times what my mum makes and she hates me, she really hates me” stated a Russian sat in the courtyard at the Bluebird in Chelsea. Her friend was overheard to curtly respond: “Well, it’s hardly a surprise is it? You do spend most of your life on your back”. Miaow!
The Putney petrol pest
Outside the railway station on Putney High Street a reader was asked for money by a woman waving a pair of car keys for the fifth day in a row: “I’ve run out of juice, love, I’ve run out of petrol… Can you get me a tenner?” the bleach blonde 30-something trilled. Our reader politely answered: “Ever considered a Boris bike?” The petrolhead turned purple in embarrassment.
A non-answering Kinnock
First reported in the Evening Standard Diary: Neil Kinnock’s son was asked how often he’d see his Danish Prime Minister wife after becoming an MP. Stephen Kinnock answered: “I simply cannot answer that question”. Plainly a man of devotion if ever there were one.
Over-served partying
After a party a reader contacted a fellow guest who had become a little merry during proceedings to check on their welfare. “It was fun”, came the reply, “though I think I was well and truly over-served”.
Submit comments you hear to editorial@thesteepletimes.com. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive once a week and change some names and locations to protect the identities of the foolish.
Subscribe to our free once daily email newsletter here: