Mon Dec 09, 2019 London
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MOVERS & SHAKERS

The snakes and ladders of society A chronicle of drama, scandal and success in London, Paris, New York and elsewhere

Poor Beatrice

In the downfall of The Duke of York, the nation seems to have forgotten Princess Beatrice’s impending state-funded marriage

When Princess Eugenie got married, ‘The Club’ turned out enthusiastically. There was Elton ‘Olive Oil’ John and there was James ‘Goodbye My Brexit Lover’ Blunt. Will they now dare turn up for the sequel?

 

With Pizza Express (Woking branch only given how “grand” he truly is) now sadly off the cards as venue for ‘Randy Andy’ to sell of his other daughter, the second of the ‘Ugly Sisters’ Princess Beatrice, is now destined to have her wedding wrecked by his dalliances with Jeffrey ‘He Was Never A Close Friend Though I Sweated With Him Often’ Epstein.


The questions are thus: “Who on earth would want to turn up for the shit show that will be the wedding of the daughter of an alleged paedo?” and “Will the Queen agree for the public purse to be allowed to be sullied to pay for it?” Answers via Ghislaine Maxwell please.

 

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Comments

7 comments on “Poor Beatrice”

  1. A great article Matthew, brilliantly executed as always, your unique, inimitable mix of sincerity and wit guaranteed to lift ones day.

    As for the Grand Old Duke of Woking himself, should his little Betty-Bee-Boo read this excellent piece herself, amongst other things one can be pretty sure her daddy-directed-tirade will be littered with obscenities including ‘Jeffrey’, ‘Pizza’, ‘Sweat’ and ‘Woking’.

    It’s been a tough week for Ol’ Yorky, made worse that his ten thousand men are to bear witness at #Sweatgate, his trial where, apparently, they will give evidence whether or not he sweated at any stage whilst climbing up to the top of the hill, or rolling down again. Sounds easy enough, but after consuming a Sloppy Giuseppe pizza with hot spiced beef, green pepper, red onion, mozzarella and tomato and served on a ring of wholemeal, white and spelt dough, the sh*t might just be laying in wait to hit the Royal Fan.

    #sweatgate

  2. Good riddance to the whole tax sucking Royals. As for this dopey looking wench, every time I see her in that stupid hat with that dumb as dog shit smile on her mug, I just want to put a bucket on her head. Get a bloody job and make some contribution to society. Your poo smells just like everyone else’s.

  3. The sisters grim need sending to Siberia. As for their mum and dad, they belong in the clink. The shame they have brought on the poor Queen is astounding.

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