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Author: Matthew Steeples

April 23, 2019

A Virile Bentley

by Matthew Steeples

Bentley S1 converted into “the world’s poshest pick-up” to be sold at auction; it was created for a “sperm obsessed” Aussie Earl Described on PistonHeads.com as a “strange vehicle” and “the world’s poshest pick-up” by The Times, a right-hand drive 1956 Bentley S1 standard steel saloon converted to a “utility vehicle” for the Right Honourable … Continue reading “A Virile Bentley”

Traditional Bigot Group Strikes Again

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples again condemns the bigoted Traditional Britain Group in the wake of their mockery of Stephen Lawrence Day, Johnny Mercer MP and Jacob Rees-Mogg MP even also Yesterday, on Twitter, the bigoted Traditional Britain Group conformed to type and shockingly condemned Stephen Lawrence Day. Sharing their poison with their 5,650 followers, this hateful organisation … Continue reading “Traditional Bigot Group Strikes Again”

April 22, 2019

Worthy Water

by Matthew Steeples

18th century house in a “fairytale” setting beside the famous River Itchen chalkstream is not quite what one would expect The main façade of Lower Chilland House in Martyr Worthy, four miles east of Winchester gives little clue as to what has been created inside.   A Grade II listed, 18th century, Georgian, chequerwork brick … Continue reading “Worthy Water”

April 20, 2019

Word of the Week – Brexiting

by Matthew Steeples

‘Brexiting’ has finally been defined (and no it’s not just about the relationship between Britain and the European Union) In a post shared recently on his Instagram feed, actor Jake Silbermann provided what could be the most useful definition of ‘Brexiting.’   It read as follows:   BREXITING (verb) /brekziting/   Meaning: Telling everyone at … Continue reading “Word of the Week – Brexiting”

April 19, 2019

The Car’s The Bar

by Matthew Steeples

Mini Cooper Sport nicknamed ‘Chuckles’ by owner Jay Kay to be auctioned; it comes complete with a mini bar and a disco light Described as “remarkable, funky [and] smile-a-mile” by Silverstone Auctions, a 2000 Rover Mini Cooper Sport with a difference is to be sold at Heythrop Park in Oxfordshire on 11th May.   Owned … Continue reading “The Car’s The Bar”

April 18, 2019

Booking Wilbur

by Matthew Steeples

The generosity of Wilbur Smith in leaving books for passerby is something to be celebrated; others should follow his lead Yesterday, in Knightsbridge, the author Wilbur Smith performed an unusually generous gesture and left several boxes of his books on his garden wall with a message stating: “Please help yourself.”   This is something to … Continue reading “Booking Wilbur”

April 16, 2019

A Notre Overdose

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests those bleating about the Notre Dame fire should get real and use their social media accounts to talk about the victims of terror also Yesterday in Paris, the Notre Dame Cathedral partially burnt down. Today, already, the crazy sum of £518 million has been donated to rebuilding it.   On social media, … Continue reading “A Notre Overdose”

April 14, 2019

Free The Caged Big Cats

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples argues in support of The Big Cat Public Safety Act and urges readers to support his IFAW fundraiser in London Tomorrow in London, I will host a fundraiser for the International Fund for Animal Welfare (IFAW). Alongside a whole array of supporters and personalities, we will raise funds for this the crusading charity’s … Continue reading “Free The Caged Big Cats”

April 13, 2019

America’s First Gay President?

by Matthew Steeples

Could wildcard millennial Pete Buttigieg become America’s first gay President? The son of a Maltese immigrant to America, openly gay and an Afghanistan war veteran Pete Buttigieg (pronounced: “boot-edge-edge”) is someone whose name is likely unfamiliar.   This 37-year-old contemporary of Mark Zuckerberg at Harvard was also a Rhodes scholar at Pembroke College, Oxford and … Continue reading “America’s First Gay President?”

April 12, 2019

Banishing Branson

by Matthew Steeples

That Richard Branson has been barred from bidding on rail contracts is correct; that the Americans have welcomed him is most unfortunate News that “tie-loathing adventurer and troublemaker” (more like “arrogant prick”) Sir Richard Branson is “devastated” after his £300 million gravy train has been abruptly stopped will delight any rightminded person.   The pompous … Continue reading “Banishing Branson”

April 11, 2019

The Rat is Caged

by Matthew Steeples

Loathsome hypocrite Julian Assange’s arrest comes seven years too late but is an almighty relief for the British justice system This morning officers from the Metropolitan Police Service finally arrested the WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange.   Ending this ratbag’s  seven years holed up in the Embassy of Ecuador in London, the Metropolitan Police issued a … Continue reading “The Rat is Caged”

April 9, 2019

A Taxing Question

by Matthew Steeples

Why are the Taxpayers’ Alliance given airtime in the British media when they are not the voice of the taxpayer but instead a lobbying operation for a bunch of rich, shady foreigners? This morning Chloe Westley of the Taxpayers’ Alliance refused to declare how the operation she works for is funded on Sky News.   … Continue reading “A Taxing Question”

April 8, 2019

Barring Janet

by Matthew Steeples

As “arrogant, bigot” Councillor Janet Evans blocks The Steeple Times, we expose this South Kensington bar owner as utterly ridiculous and quite possibly “the rudest bar owner in London” Janet’s Bar in South Kensington sits within what is quite possibly the area’s scummiest hotel, The Brompton. Entered through a filthy hallway shared with said premises, … Continue reading “Barring Janet”

April 7, 2019

The Pizza Prat – Andrea Leadsom

by Matthew Steeples

Andrea Leadsom’s “pizza club” is indicative of how low the British political classes have stooped Leader of the House Andrea ‘Loathsome’ Leadsom MP appeared on The Andrew Marr Show this morning. In conversation, this strange woman – whose outfit choices recently have included a blazer resembling something that the nonce Stuart Hall would even have … Continue reading “The Pizza Prat – Andrea Leadsom”

April 6, 2019

No Sun For Assange

by Matthew Steeples

Julian Assange should be arrested the minute he leaves the Ecuadorian Embassy suggests Matthew Steeples Julian Assange is a menace. There’s no doubt about that. This pest sought to evade justice in Britain by holing up in the Embassy of Ecuador in London in the summer of 2012 and that he’s been there ever since … Continue reading “No Sun For Assange”

March 19, 2019

Let’s Be ‘Avin’ Ya

by Matthew Steeples

Britain needs to get tough on knife crime suggests Matthew Steeples; we need a Giuliani-like figure to counter Mrs May   In a depressing reversal of fortunes, New York is now safer than London. With knife crimes rife in our capital and elsewhere also and murders happening daily, decent people are naturally shocked and shared. … Continue reading “Let’s Be ‘Avin’ Ya”

March 18, 2019

The Brilliance of Pigcasso

by Matthew Steeples

Painting pig named Pigcasso sells works for thousands; one has been turned into a watch face for Swatch   Saved from an abattoir in 2016, a rather appropriately named rescued pig named ‘Pigcasso’ is truly bringing home the bacon.   Taken to the Farm Sanctuary SA in Franschhoek, near Cape Town, the pig was initially … Continue reading “The Brilliance of Pigcasso”

March 17, 2019

Silly Philly

by Matthew Steeples

‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green reduced to celebrating his birthday on his lonesome; here is proof of how the mighty can truly fall   The Mail on Sunday, for once, provided an accurate assessment this morning.   In reporting on having encountered Sir Philip Green on his birthday in Monaco, the paper’s Katie Hind actually did … Continue reading “Silly Philly”

March 16, 2019

Vanquishing The Vulgarians

by Matthew Steeples

A rare set of good news; Milo Yiannopoulos gets banned from Australia and Tommy Robinson loses his harassment case   Tommy Robinson and Milo Yiannopoulos are unlikely bedfellows. One’s openly gay and one’s more akin to a football hooligan but what brings them together is their insanity and their racist beliefs.   That these two … Continue reading “Vanquishing The Vulgarians”

March 15, 2019

Shocking Steel

by Matthew Steeples

Lord Steel has proven himself a disgrace; he should be expelled from public life   Lord Steel should be ashamed of himself. He should also be expelled from the House of Lords.     That this former Liberal leader now admits to having known about the crimes of the “perverted brute” paedophile Sir Cyril Smith … Continue reading “Shocking Steel”

March 14, 2019

Anything But BIG

by Matthew Steeples

Pretentious number plate ‘BIG’ attracts attention in Knightsbridge   ‘Mr Big’ in Sex and the City was considered a bit of player. He was the “big man on the campus” according to Carrie Bradshaw and he was an “intriguing character” in the eyes of Comcast.   Now, in Cadogan Square in London, someone has decided … Continue reading “Anything But BIG”

The Madness of Michelin

by Matthew Steeples

Marco Pierre White is right to ban the Michelin Guide from his restaurant; he and others should take similar action against TripAdvisor   News that Marco Pierre White has told the Michelin Guide that he’ll refuse access to his latest restaurant, The English House in Singapore, doesn’t surprise.   Pierre White – one of the … Continue reading “The Madness of Michelin”

March 13, 2019

The Voice

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples feels sympathy for the croaky voiced Theresa May but suggests we’d all be better off if this ill woman was relieved of her duties   Yesterday, in what can only be branded one of the worst performances by a Prime Minister in history, Theresa May croaked in Parliament. She sounded like a strangled … Continue reading “The Voice”

March 12, 2019

Parrot Trends

by Matthew Steeples

“Very British” parrot named Nigel trends on social media; you could not make his story up   A grey African parrot described as “very British” called Nigel has bizarrely been trending on social media this morning.   Owned by the amusingly named Darren Chick, a Brit living in America, Nigel disappeared from his home in … Continue reading “Parrot Trends”

March 11, 2019

The Travails of Tom and Theresa

by Matthew Steeples

That condom campaigner Tom Harwood is scaremongering and Theresa May is begging is proof enough that Brexit is on the rocks   Last week, condom campaigner turned Guido Fawkes reporter Tom Harwood was asked on Sky News about what he thought about people stockpiling provisions in preparation for whatever occurs on 29th March. This petulant … Continue reading “The Travails of Tom and Theresa”

March 9, 2019

Let’s NOT Get It Done

by Matthew Steeples

That a “haggard” Theresa May chose Grimsby as a place to make her final speech prior to the final vote on her Brexit deal about sums up what a mess she’s truly gotten us into   There’s nothing redeeming about Grimsby: It’s residents are appropriately called ‘Grimbarians,’ it’s  currently home to the stabbing murderess Jane … Continue reading “Let’s NOT Get It Done”

March 7, 2019

The Antics of ‘Anth’

by Matthew Steeples

That Anthea Turner continues to behave as if she’s a teenage hottie is quite beyond preposterous   Divorcee Anthea Turner – or ‘F**k I used to be famous’ to her friends – is a woman incapable of behaving appropriately.   On Tuesday, Turner – a woman best known for grubbily posing (for a chunk of … Continue reading “The Antics of ‘Anth’”

March 6, 2019

Branson Sickness

by Matthew Steeples

That Virgin have had to quarantine passengers is one thing; that Sir Richard Branson continues to be taken seriously is another   Sir Richard Branson cannot do anything without making, as Princess Anne once remarked, “a complete Horlicks of it.” Be it crashing trains and thus destroying lives and trees or his job killing at … Continue reading “Branson Sickness”

More Belgrade Than Belgravia

by Matthew Steeples

As the Belgravia Shell fuel station is raided and its cash machine robbed, here is another timely reminder of the effects of Theresa May’s cuts   This morning in Ebury Street, Belgravia, the Shell garage closed and turned into a crime scene following by a raid on its cash machine. With the entire area cordoned … Continue reading “More Belgrade Than Belgravia”

March 5, 2019

Slasher May

by Matthew Steeples

Theresa May should be ashamed of herself for slashing police numbers at this time; she should instead be increasing them   Theresa May was the worst Home Secretary in history and now she is undoubtedly the worst Prime Minister also. She slashed funding for the police and fire services and she sacked as many people … Continue reading “Slasher May”

March 4, 2019

Magic & Merton

by Matthew Steeples

As Debbie McGee puts the number plate ‘MAG1C’ up for auction, we remind readers of her legendary and laughable appearance on the ‘Mrs Merton Show’   News that Debbie McGee, widow of the late magician Paul Daniels, is trying to sell the number plate ‘MAG1C’ with an asking price of £150,000 is enough to make … Continue reading “Magic & Merton”

Grubby Green

by Matthew Steeples

Sir Philip Green’s downfall is now all but complete; strip him of his knighthood says Matthew Steeples   He used to be known as ‘Sir Shifty’ but now that’s become a title too far. With revelations that ‘Phily G’ has been caught – and there’s the most tawdry video footage of it even – “pawing” … Continue reading “Grubby Green”

March 3, 2019

Failing Grayling

by Matthew Steeples

Transport secretary Chris Grayling has yet again messed up and with news that he has botched the Brexit ferry deal, he must go   “Deeply odd” Chris Grayling MP just cannot get anything right. Rightly branded a “bungling fool,” that this nitwit has effectively handed Eurotunnel £33 million and Seaborne Freight £14 million for doing … Continue reading “Failing Grayling”

March 2, 2019

Cliff Wrongly Rises (Yet Again)

by Matthew Steeples

That Sir Cliff Richard is demanding another £1.5 million from the BBC shows how utterly outrageous he truly is   The ratbag Sir Cliff Richard’s at it again. This monstrous weirdo is now demanding another £1.5 million from the BBC and is again going on about how “heartbroken” he truly is.   This king of … Continue reading “Cliff Wrongly Rises (Yet Again)”

March 1, 2019

Calamity Corbyn

by Matthew Steeples

Jeremy Corbyn has rightly been slammed for not being able to manage his own finances   Jeremy Corbyn is a national disgrace and should not be put in charge of a bus ticket let alone a nation. He slept with Diane Julie Abbott and he supported the IRA; he protected paedophiles in Islington and now … Continue reading “Calamity Corbyn”

February 28, 2019

A Balls-Up About Betjeman

by Matthew Steeples

Cadogan suggest the impossible in claiming that Sir John Betjeman was present at the arrest of Oscar Wilde at The Cadogan Hotel   The Earl of Cadogan – best known for once stating he “preferred horses to people” and for ending the lease of the Oriel restaurant on Sloane Square because he didn’t like a … Continue reading “A Balls-Up About Betjeman”

February 27, 2019

The May Turkey

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests Theresa May has lost control and urges readers to support a People’s Vote and the Put It To The People march   The phrase: “Like turkeys voting for Christmas” came to mind as Theresa May attempted to urge Parliament to “do its duty” yesterday.   This hapless harridan yet again showed her … Continue reading “The May Turkey”

February 25, 2019

Losing Lazy Brady

by Matthew Steeples

That Lady Brady has resigned from Arcadia is news to be celebrated; that she took so long to go is proof of her hypocrisy   Finally, this morning, Lady Brady has done the decent thing. With the announcement of this grubby woman’s resignation as chairman of Arcadia, though, we now have yet more proof of … Continue reading “Losing Lazy Brady”

February 24, 2019

The Greatness of Grant

by Matthew Steeples

Richard E. Grant has proven that Britain can still produce talent; he shined in ‘Can You Forgive Me?’ and deserves an Oscar   Quite the opposite of the misery and all-round prat of the same surname, Hugh, Withnail and I star Richard E. Grant has yet again excelled himself.   Yesterday, this talented British actor … Continue reading “The Greatness of Grant”

February 23, 2019

Actions Have Consequences

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples reminds the Duchess of Sussex, Mark Zuckerberg and his Facebook colleagues that actions have consequences   “If you don’t want something published, don’t write it down” is something that should have been told to both the former Meghan Markle and executives at Facebook.   With both the new Duchess of Sussex and said … Continue reading “Actions Have Consequences”

February 21, 2019

Wally of the Week – Owen Jones

by Matthew Steeples

Jeremy Corbyn apologist Owen Jones yet again proves himself to be nothing but an utter berk suggests Matthew Steeples   All-round Commie and Guardian and New Statesman columnist Owen Jones blocked me on Twitter several years ago. As Vicki Pollard would say: “Did I look bothered?”   That this left-wing prat and author of a … Continue reading “Wally of the Week – Owen Jones”

February 20, 2019

Celebrating Soubry

by Matthew Steeples

In resigning from the Conservative Party Anna Soubry MP has proven herself to be a true patriot   Anna Soubry MP is first and foremost a thoroughly decent lady. I met her at a dinner in Knightsbridge and she spoke a whole lot of sense.   Today, however, Soubry spoke for the moderate majority in … Continue reading “Celebrating Soubry”

February 19, 2019

TIGing a Drunken Duchess

by Matthew Steeples

The boozy bird the Duchess of Sussex and the newly formed The Independent Group have something in common; this “TIG moment” lover should become their leader   The former Meghan Markle – a bizarre woman who ludicrously  likes to create “spaces to share” and “breeding grounds for ideas and excitement” – once had a blog … Continue reading “TIGing a Drunken Duchess”

February 18, 2019

Leaving Labour

by Matthew Steeples

That seven MPs have quit the Labour Party sums up how appalling a leader Jeremy Corbyn truly is; the country now has a chance to unite the “politically homeless” but nothing will change unless they don’t bring others from other parties with them   This morning, seven Labour MPs quit the party to sit instead … Continue reading “Leaving Labour”

February 17, 2019

Job Killing Jim

by Matthew Steeples

Brexiteer turned Britain fleeing tycoon Sir Jim Ratcliffe should be stripped of his title suggests Matthew Steeples   “Britain’s richest man” Sir Jim Ratcliffe is often described as a “prominent Brexiteer.” Now, given news of his relocation to the “Sunny Place for Shady People” that is Monaco, he should instead be remembered as a man … Continue reading “Job Killing Jim”

Tarty Alexa

by Matthew Steeples

The Daily Mail’s reporting of Alexa Chung’s latest ‘launch’ was utterly cringeworthy; why is she considered to be newsworthy?   The Daily Mail just cannot help itself. For them, if Alexa Chung picked up a tea cup, it’d be international news.   Reporting on this model-presenter-and-just-about-everything-else-on-the-planet possible launching a range of sunglasses, the paper this … Continue reading “Tarty Alexa”

February 16, 2019

How does this end?

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples foresees a need for the government to accept that their Brexit strategy is simply not working and change tact; news that Porsche will introduce a surcharge of 10% is proof of how bad a situation we are now in   “How does this end?” sensibly asked Alison McGovern MP after the government’s defeat … Continue reading “How does this end?”

February 14, 2019

Awful Alison

by Matthew Steeples

Anti-Semitic songwriter and Holocaust denier Alison Chabloz deserves her convictions; may she now disappear forever   Self-professed “revisionist” Alison Chabloz is loathed by her parents and her daughter doesn’t speak to her. This billy-no-mates has supported Ken Livingstone and performed at pro-Palestinian events at the Glossop Labour Club in Derbyshire.   A believer in “a … Continue reading “Awful Alison”

February 13, 2019

The Modern Day Marie Antoinette

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests that is wrong that the Duchess of Sussex is being treated as a victim; she chose her path and it is time she accepted that with being a public figure, criticism will follow   Any criticism of “She Who Must Be Obeyed” – AKA the former Meghan Markle – is immediately condemned … Continue reading “The Modern Day Marie Antoinette”

February 12, 2019

Shady Brady

by Matthew Steeples

Lady Brady yet again proves herself to be nothing but a disgrace with no moral compass   Lady Brady – a vile woman with an acid tongue whose attack on James Stunt was nothing but pathetic – has yet again shown herself to be nothing but a hapless harridan.   In claiming she’ll not be … Continue reading “Shady Brady”

February 11, 2019

Happily Poor

by Matthew Steeples

“Lotto lout” Michael Carroll’s reaction to becoming utterly broke will surprise   Howard Hughes once said: “Money can’t buy happiness” and then someone else later added: “Somehow it’s more comfortable crying in a Porsche than on a bicycle.”   News, therefore, that “Lotto lout” Michael Carroll – a man who blew the £10 million jackpot … Continue reading “Happily Poor”

February 9, 2019

Praise Be To Pret

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples salutes Pret for doing more than most to help homeless people get jobs and permanent accommodation; others and the government should follow suit   Pret a Manger has come under a lot of flack lately – due to two customers dying having an allergic reaction to their products – but now, this in … Continue reading “Praise Be To Pret”

February 8, 2019

Philly G. Fails

by Matthew Steeples

Bully and braggart Sir Philip Green ditches his libel action against ‘The Telegraph’ and is deservedly met with a bill of £3 million in costs alone   Described as “Shylock meets Al Capone” in this publication by the actor Steven Berkoff, the now increasingly potless and rudderless Sir Philip Green has well and truly hit … Continue reading “Philly G. Fails”

A £75k MayBeNOT

by Matthew Steeples

Would anyone be insane enough to pay £75,000 for an evening with Theresa May or £175,000 for a set of posters signed by her?   If you want to hear someone repeat the words “my deal” as many times as possible in a minute, the perfect way would be to buy a night with Theresa … Continue reading “A £75k MayBeNOT”

February 7, 2019

Rolf’s Rotters

by Matthew Steeples

Loopy Lizzie Cornish and pop paedophile Jonathan King leap to the defence of child abuser and playground pest Rolf Harris   Disgraced music mogul Jonathan King is someone who bizarrely believes that the serial killer Dr Harold Shipman – a man who possibly murdered 250 of his patients – may have been a victim of … Continue reading “Rolf’s Rotters”

Nissan IS Leaving

by Matthew Steeples

Crowdfunded advert van campaign used to illustrate the lies told by Brexiteers to those working at Leave.EU’s headquarters   The Vote Leave campaign used its bus to tell lies about the NHS and Brexit and now a crowdfunded advert van campaign is returning their untruthful allegations to them.   Sharing their message loud and large, … Continue reading “Nissan IS Leaving”

February 6, 2019

The Playground Pest

by Matthew Steeples

That the vile paedophile Rolf Harris turned up to wave at children in a school playground is proof that he should be sectioned   They say: “A picture tells a thousand words” and an image of Rolf Harris invading a school playground is one that will shock any rightminded person.   At a time when … Continue reading “The Playground Pest”

February 5, 2019

Manic Meghan

by Matthew Steeples

The ‘modern day Mrs Simpson,’ the Duchess of Sussex’s, behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic; she needs to learn to control herself or she will indeed become a true laughing stock   As plain old Meghan Markle, she was known for “carefully planning” publicity stunts on Instagram and elsewhere. ‘Murky Mucky’ likes being in charge but … Continue reading “Manic Meghan”

February 4, 2019

Vanquish The Vagrancy Act

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples joins those calling for the Vagrancy Act to be urgently repealed; homeless people need help and not hate   News that a 31-year-old homeless man was found dead in sub-zero temperatures last week in Birmingham is shocking enough, but that 34% of local authorities in England and Wales are continuing to use the … Continue reading “Vanquish The Vagrancy Act”

February 3, 2019

Losing Labour

by Matthew Steeples

News that a “group of Labour MPs” are set to quit the plainly out-of-touch party to form a “breakaway movement” is positive for Britain; disaffected Tories should follow suit   The Labour Party used to be successful. Like him or loathe him, Tony Blair made this previously unelectable ragbag of rubbish electable and seized on … Continue reading “Losing Labour”

February 2, 2019

Is That The Chinese Takeaway?

by Matthew Steeples

A tribute to Clive Swift, better known as Richard Bucket in the classic sitcom ‘Keeping Up Appearances’   Some might say: “They don’t make television like they used to” but in the case of Keeping Up Appearances it most definitely is true.   Yesterday, with the death of Liverpool born actor Clive Swift, who played … Continue reading “Is That The Chinese Takeaway?”

February 1, 2019

Shame, Sheep and Trumps

by Matthew Steeples

Donald Trump’s son and his girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle – the ex-wife of the Democrat ‘Gavinator’ and governor of California – should be utterly ashamed of themselves for associating with the alligator, bear, goat and sheep slayer Larysa Switlyk   Opportunist of the first order Kimberly Guilfoyle and her recently acquired elephant slayer boyfriend Donald Trump … Continue reading “Shame, Sheep and Trumps”

January 31, 2019

The Vile Vazs Strike Again

by Matthew Steeples

Keith Vaz MP’s sister proves herself to be just as grasping as her vile rent-boy loving pervert brother   Most people think rent-a-gob Keith Vaz to be quite bad enough. This Teflon-like creep has taken cash from anyone who’ll hand it over and used rooms in The Washington Hotel in Mayfair to enjoy a bit … Continue reading “The Vile Vazs Strike Again”

Trevor’s Last Quack

by Matthew Steeples

Duck famous for being lonely and the only one on the isolated Pacific island of Niue dies   The death of a duck on an isolated island would not normally arouse much interest but ‘Trevor’ – as he became known (in honour of a New Zealand politician named Trevor Mallard) – was one that was … Continue reading “Trevor’s Last Quack”

January 30, 2019

A Terrible Ticket

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests the jailing of Fiona Onasanya MP over her lies over a speeding ticket is quite absurd   They say: “Don’t kick a dog when it’s down,” but plainly that doesn’t apply in the case of Fiona Onasanya, jailed yesterday for three months for lying to avoid a speeding ticket.   Yes, Onasanya … Continue reading “A Terrible Ticket”

Dr Bernard Ecclestone (AKA Bernie Ecclestone, ‘The Grinch’ and ‘Bungling Bernie’)

by Matthew Steeples

This common as muck, stingy, diminutive dwarf once suggested Hitler was “able to get things done” and outrageously suggested the leader of the Black Shirts’ son, Max Moseley, “would do a super job” as Prime Minister. Notoriously tight, a former garage mechanic and once forced to pay £10 million in connection with tax avoidance, utter … Continue reading “Dr Bernard Ecclestone (AKA Bernie Ecclestone, ‘The Grinch’ and ‘Bungling Bernie’)”

January 29, 2019

Wallies of the Week – Foolish Fogle and Joyless Judy

by Matthew Steeples

Ben Fogle and Judy Finnigan are our most worthy Wallies of the Week   Two of the most irritating people to inflict misery on our screens have yet again excelled themselves.   First, booze loving Judy Finnigan admitted in her Daily Express column that she “gulped jolly little bright blue [Ibuprofen] capsules,” developed stomach ulcers … Continue reading “Wallies of the Week – Foolish Fogle and Joyless Judy”

January 28, 2019

The DisUnitedKingdom

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests Britain has descended into chaos as a result of Brexit and whether you’re a Brexiteer or Remainer, it is time we stopped hating one another   One in six of us have fallen out with a family member over Brexit according to a survey published today. The figure, we’d suggest, would likely … Continue reading “The DisUnitedKingdom”

January 27, 2019

Fishwife Ferne

by Matthew Steeples

Reality television ‘star’ and ex-girlfriend of acid thrower Ferne McCann caught hurling drinks at National Television Awards   Ferne McCann and chucking things seem to go together. First, the father of her child was deservedly jailed after attacking 22 innocent people with acid and now it has been revealed that this Brentwood born broad chucked … Continue reading “Fishwife Ferne”

January 26, 2019

Finding the Facts

by Matthew Steeples

‘MailOnline’ yet again publishes utter drivel about James Stunt; they should cease their unjustified campaign against this businessman   In The Talented Mr. Ripley, the detective appointed to discover what happened to Dickie Greenleaf states: “In America we’re taught to check a fact before it becomes a fact” and this, indeed, is something that rightly … Continue reading “Finding the Facts”

January 24, 2019

Brainless Borwick

by Matthew Steeples

Lady Borwick yet again puts her foot in it and again defends the senseless ivory trade; shame on her   Poor Borwick! She just cannot help herself. After making a mighty fine fool of her sorry self on the BBC a few Sundays ago, Lady Borwick, it can now be revealed, has yet again come … Continue reading “Brainless Borwick”

January 23, 2019

Falling Down Flass

by Matthew Steeples

Grade II* listed Cumbrian mansion built by opium dealer and once marketed for £1.5 million for sale for just £460,000; it was also the scene of the UK’s biggest ever cannabis raid in 2012   A 23,000 square foot, 52 room, mid-19th century Palladian mansion in the Westmorland Dales National Park is to be sold … Continue reading “Falling Down Flass”

A Moral Vacuum

by Matthew Steeples

Billionaire Brexiteer James Dyson (yet again) shows himself as nothing but a self-serving prick in relocating his HQ to Singapore   Yesterday, in the wake of the crappy hoover manufacturer Sir James Dyson announcing he’d be relocating his headquarters to Singapore, the journalist Tim Walker tweeted: “Need a moral vacuum? Get a Dyson” and followed … Continue reading “A Moral Vacuum”

January 21, 2019

Birthday Bigots

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests the ‘Daily Mail’ simply conformed to type in attacking James Stunt on his birthday   ‘The Daily Fail’ is always capable of conforming to type. In deciding to attack James Stunt on his very own birthday, this cowardly rag went too far.   That they alleged that a successful businessman couldn’t afford … Continue reading “Birthday Bigots”

Awarding a Pun

by Matthew Steeples

Rat-like party crasher David Pun puts in an appearance at the ‘Mayfair Times’ Awards at Claridge’s   Last night, at Claridge’s, blagger and ligger David Pun put in appearance for the Mayfair Times Awards 2019.   No doubt pretending to be a director of Harvey Nichols, Peninsula Hotels and an architect also, Pun sported his … Continue reading “Awarding a Pun”

Harridan Heather

by Matthew Steeples

That Heather Mills has returned to the public eye is nothing but awful; please could someone just send her to Siberia?   When one thought the worst was over and one of Britain’s most loathed women had finally gone away, that woman just had to stick her oar in yet again.   Yesterday, The Sunday … Continue reading “Harridan Heather”

January 20, 2019

Drive On Phil

by Matthew Steeples

Public outrage over Prince Philip returning to the road is ridiculous suggests Matthew Steeples   Even the normally anti-PC Jeremy Clarkson has taken up the new popular cause of demanding Prince Philip be retired from the roads.   Yes, the royal had an accident (but one in which nobody was seriously hurt) and yes, he … Continue reading “Drive On Phil”

January 19, 2019

Dreadful Diane

by Matthew Steeples

Diane Abbott proves herself to be nothing but a moaning menace (yet again)   Diane Abbott just cannot help herself. This dreadful harpy of a woman – whom it must be most excruciatingly be remembered once slept with Jeremy Corbyn – appeared on the BBC’s Question Time show on Thursday and is now claiming she … Continue reading “Dreadful Diane”

January 18, 2019

A Knightsbridge Nuisance

by Matthew Steeples

‘The Steeple Times’ highlights Knightsbridge’s worst nuisance neighbour; meet hotel and leisure fund manager Jochen Schaefer-Suren   Jochen Schaefer-Suren clearly is someone with a passion for harbouring a grudge and an individual prone to intimidating others.   Yesterday, at Kensington Town Hall, this cowardly individual failed to personally to turn up in a case lawyers … Continue reading “A Knightsbridge Nuisance”

January 17, 2019

Billing Against Brexit

by Matthew Steeples

As a restaurant popular with politicians adds anti-Brexit slogans to its bills, it must be highlighted that the hospitality industry is entirely dependent on immigrant workers   On Tuesday, inews reported that a restaurant in London’s County Hall, the Westminster Kitchen Grill Bar, now adds anti-Brexit slogans to its bills.   Featuring a declaration that: … Continue reading “Billing Against Brexit”

January 16, 2019

Supporting Giovanni

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples criticises the ‘Evening Standard’s’ Benedict Moore-Bridger for his unjustified attack on the Knightsbridge restaurant Giovanni   Benedict Moore-Bridger is an Evening Standard journalist who has been criticised for his “lazy work” and described as “[not] the most popular chap at the office.” Of his writing style, one Twitter user remarked: “[He makes me] … Continue reading “Supporting Giovanni”

January 15, 2019

A Doughnut of a Deal

by Matthew Steeples

That Theresa May has resorted to dishing out doughnuts represents what a Dodo her deal truly is   Theresa May reportedly dished out doughnuts this morning as part of her desperate attempt to persuade MPs to back her in tonight’s Brexit deal vote.   With a large box of Krispy Kreme’s being delivered by an … Continue reading “A Doughnut of a Deal”

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