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Author: Matthew Steeples

August 17, 2019

Cheap in Chelsea

by Matthew Steeples

Chelsea apartment for sale for just £140,000; there is, of course, a catch A studio flat has gone on sale in Britten Street, Chelsea, SW3 for just £140,000 ($170,000, €153,000 or درهم625,000). Offered by agents Douglas & Gordon, the 302 square foot, second floor apartment comprises of a studio room, kitchen and bathroom. It is … Continue reading “Cheap in Chelsea”

Maxwell Moves On

by Matthew Steeples

Murky madam Ghislaine Maxwell spotted munching on a burger whilst reading a book about deaths linked to the CIA Hiding out in the Cundy Street Flats in Belgravia didn’t work out for Ghislaine Maxwell. Plainly the allure of lunching on French food at the neighbouring La Poule au Pot just wasn’t enough for Epstein’s teenager … Continue reading “Maxwell Moves On”

August 14, 2019

The Aisle Eater

by Matthew Steeples

Britain’s most upmarket supermarket gets a visit from a woman who likes to help herself and eat in the aisles (in the presence of the racist bigot Marie-Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben even) One can excuse a bored-out-of-their-brain child for helping itself to a bit of fruit or some sweets as its parent or nanny drag … Continue reading “The Aisle Eater”

A Bitter Cabriolet

by Matthew Steeples

Rare (and noisy) 1990 cabriolet created by a man named Mr Bitter for sale Natty Kensington dealer Graeme Hunt is known for selling the finest cars, but currently he has something extremely rare, a convertible created by the little known firm Bitter. Founded by a former racing driver named Erich Bitter in Schwelm, Germany in … Continue reading “A Bitter Cabriolet”

With Friends Like These…

by Matthew Steeples

Ghislaine Maxwell’s relationships with sexual deviants were not limited to just Jeffrey Epstein; she was previously linked to former MP Harvey ‘Whacko’ Proctor It turns out that the former MP and convicted criminal Harvey Proctor – found guilty of gross indecency with teenagers in 1986 – is linked to Ghislaine Maxwell via his former employer, … Continue reading “With Friends Like These…”

Moron of the Moment – Dick Braine

by Matthew Steeples

New UKIP leader Dick Braine is deservedly mocked for his unfortunate name, but the reality is that he’s deranged and delusional There are people with unfortunate names – an example being a petrol station manager named Dick Assman (nickname: ‘Assman the Gasman’) – and then there’s Dick Braine.   Software developer and photographer turned politician … Continue reading “Moron of the Moment – Dick Braine”

August 13, 2019

Tiggers & Angels

by Matthew Steeples

New wine tribes identified as ‘Tiggers’ and ‘Angels’ reports Matthew Steeples; both are to be avoided at all costs (unless you are the modern day Boycie)   The label ‘Tigger’ was for a short time earlier this year given to those who’d defected from various parties to form what proved to be the utterly shambolic … Continue reading “Tiggers & Angels”

August 12, 2019

Where’s Ghislaine?

by Matthew Steeples

Could ‘Good Time Ghislaine’ Maxwell be living it up in Belgravia in the wake of the ‘suiciding’ of the billionaire paedophile Jeffrey Epstein? It’s not: “Where’s Wally?” this week, but more: “Where’s Ghislaine?” in the wake of the supposed suicide, ‘suiciding’ (or could it even be disappearance to WITSEC) of the monster Jeffrey Epstein.   … Continue reading “Where’s Ghislaine?”

Glorious for a Grouse Moor

by Matthew Steeples

Rare Aston Martin shooting brake to be sold at auction in California; it would be the perfect vehicle to arrive at a grouse moor in today Today is the ‘Glorious Twelfth’ in Britain and anybody headed to a grouse moor could do worse than to turn up in “the ultimate gentleman’s express,” a 1965 Aston … Continue reading “Glorious for a Grouse Moor”

August 11, 2019

Ambar’s Antics

by Matthew Steeples

Pavement pest Ambar Zohra just cannot help herself; that she encourages people to threaten others proves how ghastly this little madam truly is Ambar Zohra got herself into trouble by smashing into a pensioner in Walton Street, Chelsea on a mobile weapon known as a ‘pavement scooter.’ This foul-mouthed wench then launched into a tirade … Continue reading “Ambar’s Antics”

August 9, 2019

Amazing Profanity

by Matthew Steeples

John Newton of ‘Amazing Grace’ fame was the world’s most accomplished swearer In a most fascinating letter to The Times yesterday, Sister Hilda Mary Baumberg of St Michael’s Convent, Gerrards Cross revealed that the English slave ship captain turned abolitionist and Anglican clergyman John Newton (1725 – 1807) was quite possibly the most accomplished swearer … Continue reading “Amazing Profanity”

August 8, 2019

Hero of the Hour – Sir Nicholas Soames MP

by Matthew Steeples

Churchill’s grandson Sir Nicholas Soames shares wise words just as ‘The Telegraph ’bizarrely tips Ken Clarke as Britain’s next Prime Minister It sadly won’t likely happen, but Sir Nicholas Soames ought to be our next Prime Minister.   Weirdly, this morning, the once great but now the deranged and increasingly right leaning The Telegraph suggested: … Continue reading “Hero of the Hour – Sir Nicholas Soames MP”

A Double Starter

by Matthew Steeples

Rare 1964 Citroën 2CV Sahara 4×4 complete with two starters to be auctioned; it was originally designed to be a “low priced car”  but is now anything but One of just 694 made and one of around only 27 still in existence, a rare 1964 Citroën 2CV Sahara 4×4 will be sold at auction in … Continue reading “A Double Starter”

August 6, 2019

A Royal Borough Rotter – Councillor Matthew Palmer

by Matthew Steeples

Conservative RBKC councillor Matthew Palmer exposed as a rotter and hypocrite; he’s even caught campaigning for the Brexit Party A tubby Tory councillor named Matthew Palmer is best known for having mouthed: “Do not let them in” on camera when Grenfell Tower protestors tried to enter Kensington Town Hall in July 2017. This insensitive berk … Continue reading “A Royal Borough Rotter – Councillor Matthew Palmer”

August 5, 2019

A Louche Limo

by Matthew Steeples

1966 Mercedes-Benz 600 sedan complete with ‘Jimmy Savile-esque’ fold-down bed to be auctioned; it was created for the eccentric Armenian oil magnate Nubar Gulbenkian Santa Claus lookalike and all-round extravagant Nubar Gulbenkian (1896 – 1972) – his father sued him over him charging a single sandwich to petty cash and ended up with a legal … Continue reading “A Louche Limo”

August 4, 2019

Borwick Binned

by Matthew Steeples

Kensington Conservatives bin ivory loving Lady Borwick in favour of local socialite and Brexiteer ‘Flicka’ Buchan Lady ‘Call Me Victoria’ Borwick was quite bad enough in that she did nothing for the homeless and supported (and still supports) the ivory trade, but now Kensington Conservatives have done it again by selecting yet another pro-Brexit candidate. … Continue reading “Borwick Binned”

August 3, 2019

Crowdfunding Carole

by Matthew Steeples

The Steeple Times urges readers to support the crowdfunding campaign to help the courageous journalist Carole Cadwalladr see off the nasty piece of work that is Arron Banks This morning, Nigel Farage – after his Brexit Party’s rather pathetic performance in Brecon & Radnorshire on Thursday – was featured in an article in the Daily … Continue reading “Crowdfunding Carole”

August 2, 2019

Banishing Boris

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests Boris Johnson must face up to the fact that his majority is likely to disappear Last night after the Lib Dems stormed to victory in Brecon & Radnorshire (with 44% of the vote share), Boris Johnson’s majority in parliament was reduced to just one.   Hailed as a blow to Johnson’s ridiculous … Continue reading “Banishing Boris”

August 1, 2019

EXCLUSIVE – Unrestrained Stunt

by Matthew Steeples

Restraint order against businessman James Stunt lifted The media – well, the Daily Mail and The Sun – enthusiastically and somewhat obsessively reported news of a restraint order having being issued against James Stunt.   Unsurprisingly, given their bias against this businessman, they have not, however, seen fit to remark on the fact that this … Continue reading “EXCLUSIVE – Unrestrained Stunt”

July 31, 2019

Hero of the Hour – Khadijah Mellah

by Matthew Steeples

First jockey to race in a hijab, Peckham teenager Khadijah Mellah brings fresh blood to racing and will make history tomorrow Educated at Sydenham High School and a member of the Ebony Horse Club – which describes itself as “transforming young lives through horses in south London’s most disadvantaged communities” – in Brixton, 18-year-old Khadijah … Continue reading “Hero of the Hour – Khadijah Mellah”

July 30, 2019

Justice for Poko

by Matthew Steeples

Evil poachers who killed Poko the elephant have been caught and now face up to seven years in prison Poko, one of four inseparable members of the bachelor herd of elephants in Kasangu National Park in Malawi, was recently massacred by poachers, but the good news is that the two perpetrators have now be caught … Continue reading “Justice for Poko”

July 29, 2019

Murky Mucky’s Magazine Mess

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests the Duchess of Sussex ought to give up any ambition to become a magazine editor The Duchess of Sussex just cannot help herself. This mendacious meddler, in guest editing an edition of Vogue, has again shown herself to be nothing but ridiculous.   In response to this pointless piece of non-journalism, Jan … Continue reading “Murky Mucky’s Magazine Mess”

July 27, 2019

Waterside Wixels

by Matthew Steeples

Stunning converted sail loft and “local landmark” in “the best position” in Topsham, Devon  for sale for £3.5 million A Grade II listed 18th century sail loft and nail factory in Topsham, Devon converted to a 4,231 square foot house in 1920 has recently been put up for sale.   Wixels, situated on the banks … Continue reading “Waterside Wixels”

Perish The Pavement Pests

by Matthew Steeples

Stand-on scooters, whether manual or electric, should be banned; they are nothing but moving deathtraps Stand-on scooters – whether electric or otherwise – should be banned. These devices are utter menaces in public spaces and many now rightly question whether they are safe in any area at all.   Rightly this week, in the wake … Continue reading “Perish The Pavement Pests”

July 26, 2019

A Costly Chapel

by Matthew Steeples

Derelict Grade II* listed Gothic revival chapel in South Kensington for sale for the extraordinary sum of £7.5 million; it cost just £1,613 to build The purchaser of a home that will be created from a derelict chapel hidden in South Kensington will not only have to find some £7.5 million to buy it, but … Continue reading “A Costly Chapel”

The Cheery Street Sweeper

by Matthew Steeples

Never without a decent word to say, Knightsbridge’s cheeriest street sweeper is an asset to the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea. Unlike the incompetent, avaricious councillors representing the area, this diligent worker never moans and he never complains. Come sun, rain, wind or snow, here is someone who takes pride in his work and … Continue reading “The Cheery Street Sweeper”

July 23, 2019

The Steeple Times is Back

by Matthew Steeples

Apologies for the delay – The Steeple Times returns You may have noticed we’ve not published anything for quite a while. Our most sincere apologies for this – but now, to misquote Arnold Schwarzenegger: “We’re back.”   Given our team have provoked and exposed many dodgy sorts since establishing ourselves in 2012, you can no … Continue reading “The Steeple Times is Back”

Censored Stunt

by Matthew Steeples

James Stunt calls out those who try to censor his right to free speech and challenges his adversaries to man-up and face him Businessman James Stunt is someone not afraid to say what he believes to be true and he’s also someone with the courage to call out amongst others the Daily Mail’s proprietor Viscount … Continue reading “Censored Stunt”

Stretching a Porsche

by Matthew Steeples

1953 Porsche 356 to be auctioned; it was converted into a limousine by its collector owner for his daughter’s wedding People do strange things to cars and we thought we’d seen them all. However, with the forthcoming sale of the wackily named ‘Taj Ma Garaj Collection,’ collectors will get the opportunity to buy – amongst … Continue reading “Stretching a Porsche”

July 21, 2019

Caught On Camera In Chelsea

by Matthew Steeples

Chelsea businesses take to naming and shaming local thieves Two Chelsea businesses sick of thievery in and around their premises have taken the decision to warn others and shame those that have targeted them. In Walton Street, the owners of the charming interiors store Percy Bass display a wall with pictures of local thieves caught … Continue reading “Caught On Camera In Chelsea”

July 2, 2019

Fallen Security

by Matthew Steeples

That a man was able to stowaway in the landing gear of a plane in Nairobi and then fall from it into a Clapham garden is tragic; it highlights airline security is pathetic News last night that the body of a man fell from the landing gear of a Kenya Airways plane smashed into the … Continue reading “Fallen Security”

June 21, 2019

Name & Shame – Soly Zadeh

by Matthew Steeples

Soly Zadeh, an artist who disgracefully failed to honour his commitments to an animal conservation charity named and shamed Soly Zadeh, an artist whose somewhat strange works appear on the Saatchi Art website, is someone who was given the opportunity to exhibit his works at a charity event in May to raise money for animal … Continue reading “Name & Shame – Soly Zadeh”

June 20, 2019

The Stupidity of The Standard

by Matthew Steeples

In backing Boris Johnson as the candidate best able to “give Britain back its mojo” today, the Evening Standard lets down London suggests Matthew Steeples London is a city that voted ‘remain’ in 2016 and one that did so incredibly clearly. Across all boroughs, 59.9% (2.26 million people) voted in favour of remaining in the … Continue reading “The Stupidity of The Standard”

June 19, 2019

Getting Off Like Gove

by Matthew Steeples

A judge with a sense of humour allowed a class A drug user to walk free on the basis he shouldn’t suffer any more than Michael GoveGetting Off Like Gove – Judge lets off drug user because of Michael Gove Ann Widdecombe will no doubt have spluttered her Kellogg’s Corn Flakes this morning when she … Continue reading “Getting Off Like Gove”

June 16, 2019

Bin Boris

by Matthew Steeples

Sir Max Hastings perfectly sums up the car crash of a man that is Boris Johnson; elsewhere the public say they wouldn’t buy a used car from the wannabe Conservative leader In a quote widely shared on social media, the former editor of the Daily Telegraph, Sir Max Hastings, completely slaughtered his former employee Boris … Continue reading “Bin Boris”

June 15, 2019

Dimwitted Davidson

by Matthew Steeples

That Jim Davidson has announced he doesn’t ever want to set foot in London again is something to be celebrated suggests Matthew Steeples Sadiq Khan is undoubtedly an irritating prick of a man, but that he has annoyed the completely offensive bore and moron that is Jim Davidson makes him go up a little in … Continue reading “Dimwitted Davidson”

June 14, 2019

An Outrage Too Far

by Matthew Steeples

The reaction to Jo Brand’s ill-placed ‘joke’ is somewhat overblown suggests Matthew Steeples; that she angered Nigel Farage is just brilliant Jo Brand certainly put her foot in the proverbial in making jokes about battery acid being a better thing to throw than milkshakes. Her remarks were indeed extremely ill-thought and show her as a … Continue reading “An Outrage Too Far”

June 12, 2019

The Death of The Power Lunch

by Matthew Steeples

With the closure of New York’s Four Seasons, is the era of ‘the power lunch’ well and truly over both there and in Britain? In October 1979, Esquire coined a new phrase: ‘The Power Lunch.’ In an article by Lee Eisenberg they referenced a place where the “eighty-or-so diners dine on ideas, ideas for million-dollar … Continue reading “The Death of The Power Lunch”

June 11, 2019

Picture of the Week – A Coked Contest

by Matthew Steeples

‘Stop Brexit’ Steve Bray amusingly mocks Michael Gove’s bid to become leader of the Conservative Party; ‘Brexit’ is named ‘Children’s Year of the Word’ With the especially angry columnist Melanie Philips unsurprisingly rounding on Michael Gove over his cocaine taking and The Times Diary mocking him over his choice of the notorious binger on such … Continue reading “Picture of the Week – A Coked Contest”

June 10, 2019

Five of the Best – Rarities

by Matthew Steeples

Five highly unusual items for sale currently including one that might be suitable as a gift for wannabe PM and one-time cocaine experimenter Michael Gove William IV Sterling Silver Novelty Cocaine Powder Tower and Scoop Price: £2,735 ($3,470, €3,070 or درهم12,750) Given his admission about what he’s previously put up his nose, this sterling silver … Continue reading “Five of the Best – Rarities”

June 9, 2019

Come To My Island

by Matthew Steeples

Private island on the Thames that was owned by the first owner of The Savoy Hotel and inspired Gilbert and Sullivan for sale for £800,000 less than it was sold for in 2013 A 145 metre by 45 metre private island on the River Thames at Weybridge is currently for sale for £3.2 million.   … Continue reading “Come To My Island”

June 8, 2019

Don’t You Know Who I Am?

by Matthew Steeples

Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury We sadly live in an era of selfies and reality television, but on Thursday an especially vacuous wench named Carmen Jordá made an utter prat of herself … Continue reading “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”

June 5, 2019

Parking or a Farm?

by Matthew Steeples

Outdoor parking space in South Kensington for sale for the same price as a Welsh farmstead One could argue the property market has gone completely nuts when an uncovered, leasehold parking space in Roland Way, SW7 goes on sale for the same price as a Grade II listed detached farmhouse with a range of stone … Continue reading “Parking or a Farm?”

June 4, 2019

Triumphant Trump

by Matthew Steeples

Donald Trump defied his critics last night and behaved himself; his presence, however, is causing chaos and his meeting with Theresa May is just pointless You have to give it to him: Donald Trump played a blinder last night in behaving himself impeccably last night at Buckingham Palace.   Reading from a plainly entirely scripted … Continue reading “Triumphant Trump”

June 1, 2019

Siddiqi Out-Sherlocked

by Matthew Steeples

Twitter troll and all-round oddity Tariq Siddiqi loses £5 million case against Sherlock Holmes Limited and others Late last month a case brought by Tariq Siddiqi alleging he had been “the  target  and victim of the publication of derogatory, confidential and/or private information on a website” devoted to exposing his business affairs and “bitterly…  accus[ing] … Continue reading “Siddiqi Out-Sherlocked”

Green Bottoms

by Matthew Steeples

As Sir ‘Shifty’ Philip Green is charged with assault and his empire flounders, it is now time for him to be finally stripped of his title Alleged “bottom slapper” and “breast groper” Sir Philip Green has truly hit the rocks. Described as “rude, arrogant and inappropriate” this morning on Radio 4’s Today programme, here now … Continue reading “Green Bottoms”

May 31, 2019

Down in Chelsea

by Matthew Steeples

Property prices significantly down in Chelsea whilst ‘forced sales’ increase With news that house prices have fallen 19% in the Royal Borough since 2014 comes yet more proof that Brexit has taken its toll on the wealthiest area of London.   Aside from that uncertainty, the number of ‘forced sales’ is increasing in the are … Continue reading “Down in Chelsea”

May 29, 2019

Basement Journalism

by Matthew Steeples

That Spencer Matthews was described on Sky News as a “royal relative” is just yet another example of shoddy journalism We all make mistakes, but when journalists fall for PR peoples’ scams as easily as Sky News plainly did last night in the wake of the non-news story of the former Made in Chelsea participant … Continue reading “Basement Journalism”

May 27, 2019

True Crime Stories: Baroness de Stempel (and family)

by Matthew Steeples

Our new series examining historic crime stories of the rich and famous begins with the case of the unsolved murder of an architect in Shropshire, the jailing for fraud of his aristocratic ex-wife and her children and her daughter’s subsequent marriage to a famous actor Four times married former debutant Baroness de Stempel (née Susan … Continue reading “True Crime Stories: Baroness de Stempel (and family)”

A Cut-Price Cadillac

by Matthew Steeples

1985 Cadillac Seville to be auctioned; its lower estimate is just under £10,000; the perfect car for any hip-hop or ‘Dallas’ devotee A second generation Cadillac Seville – known to hip-hop fans as a “slantback” – will be sold as part of the four day RM Auctions’ 2019 Auburn Spring sale in Auburn Auction Park, … Continue reading “A Cut-Price Cadillac”

A Divided Nation

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests last night’s European Election results leads to only one conclusion as to how we can move forward Last night, the Conservative Party suffered its worst defeat since 1832. It was no wonder that Theresa May quit as Prime Minister in advance and given Labour’s equally poor showing, they can hardly crow either. … Continue reading “A Divided Nation”

May 26, 2019

Tears For What’s Next

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests there should be no tears for Theresa May but instead for the Napoléon Bonaparte style calamity that now could follow Today marks the 70th birthday of Jeremy Corbyn and it was, in 1805, also the day when Napoléon Bonaparte was crowned king of Italy in Milan Cathedral.   After a week in … Continue reading “Tears For What’s Next”

A Highland Dream

by Matthew Steeples

Completely ‘Off grid’ Scottish Highland hideaway 168 acre estate for sale for £650,000 just as it is revealed nowhere in Britain is more than 6 miles from a road Today The Sunday Times reported “we are never further than six miles from a road anywhere on the mainland” in Britain according to research by Ordnance … Continue reading “A Highland Dream”

May 25, 2019

Victoria’s Escort

by Matthew Steeples

Wannabe politician (again) Lady Borwick shares a snap of herself with a onetime male escort to “mature ladies” Benjamin Duncan It wasn’t ‘Victoria’s Secret’ for former Tory MP for Kensington Lady ‘Call Me Victoria’ Borwick this week, but instead ‘Victoria’s Escort’ it seems. A picture, shared with her 213 followers on Instagram, shows this woman … Continue reading “Victoria’s Escort”

May 23, 2019

We Wish Them Well (Too)

by Matthew Steeples

The Steeple Times echoes the Evening Standard and Gina Miller’s Remain United and urges voters to back the Liberal Democrats today “We wish them well” said former Tory chancellor George Osborne’s Evening Standard of the Liberal Democrats prospects in the European Parliamentary Elections yesterday.   Elsewhere, Gina Miller’s Remain United has urged those able to … Continue reading “We Wish Them Well (Too)”

May 22, 2019

Word of the Week – Milkshaking

by Matthew Steeples

‘Milkshaking’ is the word of politics right now, but its origins are actually in corrupt practices in horseracing ‘Milkshaking’ has become the word of the 2019 European Parliamentary Elections in Britain. It is a word now associated with Tommy Robinson and Nigel Farage and McDonald’s and Burger King, but, in fact, is also a practice … Continue reading “Word of the Week – Milkshaking”

May 21, 2019

A Modern Masterpiece

by Matthew Steeples

Victorian farmhouse transformed into an Anglo-Baroque-style masterpiece by Robert Adam complete with a lion from Chuchill’s garden on the roof for sale Eccentric homes are only going to ever appeal to eccentric people and that is perhaps why “strawberry coloured” Eastwood Farm at Herstmonceux in East Sussex has not sold in six years.   Now … Continue reading “A Modern Masterpiece”

May 20, 2019

Pitchforks at the Ready

by Matthew Steeples

Owner of Britain’s remotest mainland pub, The Old Forge at Knoydart, goes to war with his very own locals  (who’ve set up their own rival in protest) British folk (and apparently even more so Scottish folk) are very territorial when it comes to their local pub. They have a favourite seat and a favourite barman … Continue reading “Pitchforks at the Ready”

May 19, 2019

A Dean’s Palace

by Matthew Steeples

Grade I listed 12th century deanery that has housed 62 deans for sale for the first time ever; it could become a most remarkable home An 18,000 square foot, Grade I listed building that has been home to 62 deans of Wells Cathedral over 800 years is offered for sale for the first time ever. … Continue reading “A Dean’s Palace”

May 18, 2019

The Fallacy of Farage

by Matthew Steeples

‘Man of the Elite’ Nigel Farage yet again shown in his true colours; that the Brexit Party leader has lived in luxury in Chelsea is not ‘new news’ – we exposed such back in 2017 Whilst Nigel Farage’s Brexit Party will sadly likely trounce all others in the forthcoming European Elections, ‘news’ that he’s been … Continue reading “The Fallacy of Farage”

May 16, 2019

America’s Black Hole

by Matthew Steeples

The pardoning of Lord Black by President Trump sums up the morally bankrupt hole that is now America The pardoning of Lord Black by President Trump sums up the morally bankrupt hole that is now America   That Lord Black of Crossharbour – a man whose wife once announced: “My extravagance knows no bounds” – … Continue reading “America’s Black Hole”

May 14, 2019

The Moral Warp of Brexit

by Matthew Steeples

As Brexit dominates our nation, we have have forgotten other pressing issues; we must sort this mess and then get back to normal business suggests Matthew Steeples We live in a morally warped age. With BBC Radio 4’s Today programme yesterday sharing shocking news that there are 5,000 homeless people ‘existing’ (certainly not ‘living’) in … Continue reading “The Moral Warp of Brexit”

May 13, 2019

Five of the Best – The Royal Borough’s Best Restaurants

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples highlights five stalwart restaurants for your Rolodex in the Royal Borough of Kensington & Chelsea The Chelsea Corner 451 Fulham Road, London, SW10 9UZ; +44 (0) 20 3055 0088 The Chelsea Corner replaced the ‘no frills’ Chelsea Kitchen in August 2018 and occupies what was originally a public house. Managed by the most … Continue reading “Five of the Best – The Royal Borough’s Best Restaurants”

May 12, 2019

Tremendous Twyssenden

by Matthew Steeples

Grade II* listed Kentish manor house for sale along with 258 acres of land; its asking price has been reduced by over £1 million Twyssenden Manor, near Goudhurst in Kent spent much of the 20th century in use as a youth hostel, but after being purchased by its current owner, a “successful businessman who, in … Continue reading “Tremendous Twyssenden”

Downgrading Sir Shifty

by Matthew Steeples

We join those celebrating ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s impending downfall; this vulgar man and his beady-eyed wife truly deserve their fate It hasn’t been a good week for Sir Philip Green and it hasn’t been a good one for his vulgar, title obsessed wife, ‘Lady Tina,’ either.   No longer listed as a billionaire given … Continue reading “Downgrading Sir Shifty”

May 9, 2019

The Carpetbagging Copycat

by Matthew Steeples

The Duchess of Sussex gets mocked on social media after “stealing” James Stunt’s ‘iconic dressing gown look’ to introduce her newly arrived son Yet again ‘Murky Mucky’ just couldn’t help herself. Even on the day she introduced her child to the world, she just had to put her foot in the proverbial. Aside from offending … Continue reading “The Carpetbagging Copycat”

May 7, 2019

Cheap in Chelsea

by Matthew Steeples

A home in Chelsea for £170 per square foot? Such can be found in the form of the MS Mouette, a converted ferry moored at Cadogan Pier Previously offered for sale in 2012 for £1 million and then £695,000 in 2014, the price of a 1,707 square foot converted former ferry moored at Cadogan Pier … Continue reading “Cheap in Chelsea”

May 6, 2019

Don’t be a mug, vote Toby Jug

by Matthew Steeples

That the late Lord Toby Jug’s approach to politics make more sense than we’ve currently got says a lot about where we are now in Britain Today, The Times published an insightful obituary about the life of Lord Toby Jug (born Brian Borthwick, 18th December 1965 – 2nd May 2019). It is something both Jeremy … Continue reading “Don’t be a mug, vote Toby Jug”

May 5, 2019

Turning Off The Lights

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples asks: “What is the future for the Conservative Party?” given Theresa May has driven it towards complete wipeout This morning, on Sky News’ Sophy Ridge on Sunday, Nigel Farage announced: “I cannot see the Conservative Party continuing to exist. What is it for?”   For once, Farage – whose Brexit Party is amazingly … Continue reading “Turning Off The Lights”

May 4, 2019

Straightforward Stunt

by Matthew Steeples

As James Stunt attempts to meet his detractors and face a polygraph is hijacked, yet again he proves these people cowards James Stunt’s YouTube videos may go on too long in terms of their lengths for the short-attention span of millennials, but in them he is nothing but honest and direct. Here is someone who … Continue reading “Straightforward Stunt”

Ice Cream Iris

by Matthew Steeples

Nonagenarian Iris Apfel yet again proves herself to be a truly brilliant gem; we should all heed her life and enjoy life to the full On Thursday, the brilliantly talented wildcard this is the nonagenarian Iris Apfel – a woman who believes “more is more and less is a bore” –announced that she had become … Continue reading “Ice Cream Iris”

“I have a plan, sir”

by Matthew Steeples

That Tony Robinson has quit Labour and branded its leadership “sh*t’ is proof that that party has sunk to a new low “Baldrick, your head is as empty as a eunuch’s underpants” said Blackadder and now, with news that Tony Robinson has quit Labour and cited Jeremy Corbyn as a “complete sh*t,” comes confirmation of … Continue reading ““I have a plan, sir””

May 3, 2019

Tantrum Tommy

by Matthew Steeples

That self-serving racist bigot Tommy Robinson has been attacked with milkshakes twice this week serves as poetic justice Tommy Robinson – real name Stephen Yaxley-Lennon and also known as Paul Harris, Wayne King, Stephen Lennon and Andrew McMaster –  likes all things milk white. He doesn’t like colour and that he was attacked with milkshakes … Continue reading “Tantrum Tommy”

May 1, 2019

Fat F**k

by Matthew Steeples

‘The Steeple Times’ names and shames Knightsbridge’s worst scammer for what he truly is; meet Francesco Grasso – his name means ‘fat’ in Italian The word ‘Grasso’ means ‘fat’ in Italian and in the case of one Francesco Grasso, the truth is that this pig of a man gets ‘fat’ at the expense of others. … Continue reading “Fat F**k”

April 30, 2019

The Overdue Duchess

by Matthew Steeples

‘Murky Mucky’ mucks up yet again; is there anything the Duchess of Sussex is capable of getting right? With rumours about Prince William’s extra-curricular activities circulating in America (but barred – unless you’re Giles ‘quickly deletes tweet’ Coren in Britain), ‘Murkly Mucky Markle’ (AKA The Duchess of Sussex) is still trying to grab all the … Continue reading “The Overdue Duchess”

We Didn’t Mean to Go to Sea

by Matthew Steeples

Charming waterfront cottage in Suffolk riverside hamlet associated with sailing, smuggling, Arthur Ransome and ‘Lovejoy’ for sale The sheltered anchorage of Pin Mill, on the southern banks of the tidal River Orwell, is somewhere that unsurprisingly has inspired artists and photographers and somewhere whose pub, The Butt & Oyster, has quenched the thirst of many … Continue reading “We Didn’t Mean to Go to Sea”

April 28, 2019

No Drama

by Matthew Steeples

1965 Mercedes-Benz ‘Grosser’ owned by ‘Peak Practice’ and ‘Emmerdale’ actor Gary Mavers to be auctioned Liverpool born actor Gary Mavers – best known for playing GP Andrew Attwood in Peak Practice between 1995 and 2000 and also the sinister child abuser Gordon Livesey in Emmerdale from 2015 to 2016 – is selling his 1965 Mercedes-Benz 600 … Continue reading “No Drama”

As Deadly Expensive As A Dodo

by Matthew Steeples

Christie’s to auction the only near complete Dodo skeleton in private hands in May; the price is anything but ‘as dead as a Dodo’ A near-complete Dodo skeleton from Mauritius is to be sold at Christie’s next month with a quite staggering estimate of £400,000 to £600,000 ($517,000 to $775,000, €463,000 to €694,000 or درهم1.9 … Continue reading “As Deadly Expensive As A Dodo”

April 26, 2019

Analysing the F-Word

by Matthew Steeples

Has the ‘F-word’ become acceptable or is it still taboo to utter it? “I’m gonna say one thing: Fuck Trump… It’s no longer down with Trump, it’s fuck Trump!” announced Robert De Niro at the 72nd Tony Awards in June 2018. He received a standing ovation and elsewhere one of the most memorable lines of … Continue reading “Analysing the F-Word”

April 25, 2019

Backing Buckethead

by Matthew Steeples

The only candidate ‘The Steeple Times’ can enthusiastically endorse in the European elections is Lord Buckethead Whilst we wish ChangeUK – The Independent Group all the best, the only candidate The Steeple Times will be endorsing wholeheartedly in the forthcoming European elections is Lord Buckethead – if, indeed, this all-round genius actually decides to run. … Continue reading “Backing Buckethead”

Gene’s Machine

by Matthew Steeples

1925 Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost Piccadilly roadster once owned by golfing legend ‘Gene the Machine’ to be sold at auction in May US Open winning golfer Gene Littler (July 1930 – February 2019) was best known for saying: “Golf is not a game of great shots. It’s a game of the best misses. The people who … Continue reading “Gene’s Machine”

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