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Author: Matthew Steeples

February 21, 2019

Wally of the Week – Owen Jones

by Matthew Steeples

Jeremy Corbyn apologist Owen Jones yet again proves himself to be nothing but an utter berk suggests Matthew Steeples   All-round Commie and Guardian and New Statesman columnist Owen Jones blocked me on Twitter several years ago. As Vicki Pollard would say: “Did I look bothered?”   That this left-wing prat and author of a … Continue reading “Wally of the Week – Owen Jones”

February 20, 2019

Celebrating Soubry

by Matthew Steeples

In resigning from the Conservative Party Anna Soubry MP has proven herself to be a true patriot   Anna Soubry MP is first and foremost a thoroughly decent lady. I met her at a dinner in Knightsbridge and she spoke a whole lot of sense.   Today, however, Soubry spoke for the moderate majority in … Continue reading “Celebrating Soubry”

February 19, 2019

TIGing a Drunken Duchess

by Matthew Steeples

The boozy bird the Duchess of Sussex and the newly formed The Independent Group have something in common; this “TIG moment” lover should become their leader   The former Meghan Markle – a bizarre woman who ludicrously  likes to create “spaces to share” and “breeding grounds for ideas and excitement” – once had a blog … Continue reading “TIGing a Drunken Duchess”

February 18, 2019

Leaving Labour

by Matthew Steeples

That seven MPs have quit the Labour Party sums up how appalling a leader Jeremy Corbyn truly is; the country now has a chance to unite the “politically homeless” but nothing will change unless they don’t bring others from other parties with them   This morning, seven Labour MPs quit the party to sit instead … Continue reading “Leaving Labour”

February 17, 2019

Job Killing Jim

by Matthew Steeples

Brexiteer turned Britain fleeing tycoon Sir Jim Ratcliffe should be stripped of his title suggests Matthew Steeples   “Britain’s richest man” Sir Jim Ratcliffe is often described as a “prominent Brexiteer.” Now, given news of his relocation to the “Sunny Place for Shady People” that is Monaco, he should instead be remembered as a man … Continue reading “Job Killing Jim”

Tarty Alexa

by Matthew Steeples

The Daily Mail’s reporting of Alexa Chung’s latest ‘launch’ was utterly cringeworthy; why is she considered to be newsworthy?   The Daily Mail just cannot help itself. For them, if Alexa Chung picked up a tea cup, it’d be international news.   Reporting on this model-presenter-and-just-about-everything-else-on-the-planet possible launching a range of sunglasses, the paper this … Continue reading “Tarty Alexa”

February 16, 2019

How does this end?

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples foresees a need for the government to accept that their Brexit strategy is simply not working and change tact; news that Porsche will introduce a surcharge of 10% is proof of how bad a situation we are now in   “How does this end?” sensibly asked Alison McGovern MP after the government’s defeat … Continue reading “How does this end?”

February 14, 2019

Awful Alison

by Matthew Steeples

Anti-Semitic songwriter and Holocaust denier Alison Chabloz deserves her convictions; may she now disappear forever   Self-professed “revisionist” Alison Chabloz is loathed by her parents and her daughter doesn’t speak to her. This billy-no-mates has supported Ken Livingstone and performed at pro-Palestinian events at the Glossop Labour Club in Derbyshire.   A believer in “a … Continue reading “Awful Alison”

February 13, 2019

The Modern Day Marie Antoinette

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests that is wrong that the Duchess of Sussex is being treated as a victim; she chose her path and it is time she accepted that with being a public figure, criticism will follow   Any criticism of “She Who Must Be Obeyed” – AKA the former Meghan Markle – is immediately condemned … Continue reading “The Modern Day Marie Antoinette”

February 12, 2019

Shady Brady

by Matthew Steeples

Lady Brady yet again proves herself to be nothing but a disgrace with no moral compass   Lady Brady – a vile woman with an acid tongue whose attack on James Stunt was nothing but pathetic – has yet again shown herself to be nothing but a hapless harridan.   In claiming she’ll not be … Continue reading “Shady Brady”

February 11, 2019

Happily Poor

by Matthew Steeples

“Lotto lout” Michael Carroll’s reaction to becoming utterly broke will surprise   Howard Hughes once said: “Money can’t buy happiness” and then someone else later added: “Somehow it’s more comfortable crying in a Porsche than on a bicycle.”   News, therefore, that “Lotto lout” Michael Carroll – a man who blew the £10 million jackpot … Continue reading “Happily Poor”

February 9, 2019

Praise Be To Pret

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples salutes Pret for doing more than most to help homeless people get jobs and permanent accommodation; others and the government should follow suit   Pret a Manger has come under a lot of flack lately – due to two customers dying having an allergic reaction to their products – but now, this in … Continue reading “Praise Be To Pret”

February 8, 2019

Philly G. Fails

by Matthew Steeples

Bully and braggart Sir Philip Green ditches his libel action against ‘The Telegraph’ and is deservedly met with a bill of £3 million in costs alone   Described as “Shylock meets Al Capone” in this publication by the actor Steven Berkoff, the now increasingly potless and rudderless Sir Philip Green has well and truly hit … Continue reading “Philly G. Fails”

A £75k MayBeNOT

by Matthew Steeples

Would anyone be insane enough to pay £75,000 for an evening with Theresa May or £175,000 for a set of posters signed by her?   If you want to hear someone repeat the words “my deal” as many times as possible in a minute, the perfect way would be to buy a night with Theresa … Continue reading “A £75k MayBeNOT”

February 7, 2019

Rolf’s Rotters

by Matthew Steeples

Loopy Lizzie Cornish and pop paedophile Jonathan King leap to the defence of child abuser and playground pest Rolf Harris   Disgraced music mogul Jonathan King is someone who bizarrely believes that the serial killer Dr Harold Shipman – a man who possibly murdered 250 of his patients – may have been a victim of … Continue reading “Rolf’s Rotters”

Nissan IS Leaving

by Matthew Steeples

Crowdfunded advert van campaign used to illustrate the lies told by Brexiteers to those working at Leave.EU’s headquarters   The Vote Leave campaign used its bus to tell lies about the NHS and Brexit and now a crowdfunded advert van campaign is returning their untruthful allegations to them.   Sharing their message loud and large, … Continue reading “Nissan IS Leaving”

February 6, 2019

The Playground Pest

by Matthew Steeples

That the vile paedophile Rolf Harris turned up to wave at children in a school playground is proof that he should be sectioned   They say: “A picture tells a thousand words” and an image of Rolf Harris invading a school playground is one that will shock any rightminded person.   At a time when … Continue reading “The Playground Pest”

February 5, 2019

Manic Meghan

by Matthew Steeples

The ‘modern day Mrs Simpson,’ the Duchess of Sussex’s, behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic; she needs to learn to control herself or she will indeed become a true laughing stock   As plain old Meghan Markle, she was known for “carefully planning” publicity stunts on Instagram and elsewhere. ‘Murky Mucky’ likes being in charge but … Continue reading “Manic Meghan”

February 4, 2019

Vanquish The Vagrancy Act

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples joins those calling for the Vagrancy Act to be urgently repealed; homeless people need help and not hate   News that a 31-year-old homeless man was found dead in sub-zero temperatures last week in Birmingham is shocking enough, but that 34% of local authorities in England and Wales are continuing to use the … Continue reading “Vanquish The Vagrancy Act”

February 3, 2019

Losing Labour

by Matthew Steeples

News that a “group of Labour MPs” are set to quit the plainly out-of-touch party to form a “breakaway movement” is positive for Britain; disaffected Tories should follow suit   The Labour Party used to be successful. Like him or loathe him, Tony Blair made this previously unelectable ragbag of rubbish electable and seized on … Continue reading “Losing Labour”

February 2, 2019

Is That The Chinese Takeaway?

by Matthew Steeples

A tribute to Clive Swift, better known as Richard Bucket in the classic sitcom ‘Keeping Up Appearances’   Some might say: “They don’t make television like they used to” but in the case of Keeping Up Appearances it most definitely is true.   Yesterday, with the death of Liverpool born actor Clive Swift, who played … Continue reading “Is That The Chinese Takeaway?”

February 1, 2019

Shame, Sheep and Trumps

by Matthew Steeples

Donald Trump’s son and his girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle – the ex-wife of the Democrat ‘Gavinator’ and governor of California – should be utterly ashamed of themselves for associating with the alligator, bear, goat and sheep slayer Larysa Switlyk   Opportunist of the first order Kimberly Guilfoyle and her recently acquired elephant slayer boyfriend Donald Trump … Continue reading “Shame, Sheep and Trumps”

January 31, 2019

The Vile Vazs Strike Again

by Matthew Steeples

Keith Vaz MP’s sister proves herself to be just as grasping as her vile rent-boy loving pervert brother   Most people think rent-a-gob Keith Vaz to be quite bad enough. This Teflon-like creep has taken cash from anyone who’ll hand it over and used rooms in The Washington Hotel in Mayfair to enjoy a bit … Continue reading “The Vile Vazs Strike Again”

Trevor’s Last Quack

by Matthew Steeples

Duck famous for being lonely and the only one on the isolated Pacific island of Niue dies   The death of a duck on an isolated island would not normally arouse much interest but ‘Trevor’ – as he became known (in honour of a New Zealand politician named Trevor Mallard) – was one that was … Continue reading “Trevor’s Last Quack”

January 30, 2019

Dr Bernard Ecclestone (AKA Bernie Ecclestone, ‘The Grinch’ and ‘Bungling Bernie’)

by Matthew Steeples

This common as muck, stingy, diminutive dwarf once suggested Hitler was “able to get things done” and outrageously suggested the leader of the Black Shirts’ son, Max Moseley, “would do a super job” as Prime Minister. Notoriously tight, a former garage mechanic and once forced to pay £10 million in connection with tax avoidance, utter … Continue reading “Dr Bernard Ecclestone (AKA Bernie Ecclestone, ‘The Grinch’ and ‘Bungling Bernie’)”

A Terrible Ticket

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests the jailing of Fiona Onasanya MP over her lies over a speeding ticket is quite absurd   They say: “Don’t kick a dog when it’s down,” but plainly that doesn’t apply in the case of Fiona Onasanya, jailed yesterday for three months for lying to avoid a speeding ticket.   Yes, Onasanya … Continue reading “A Terrible Ticket”

January 29, 2019

Wallies of the Week – Foolish Fogle and Joyless Judy

by Matthew Steeples

Ben Fogle and Judy Finnigan are our most worthy Wallies of the Week   Two of the most irritating people to inflict misery on our screens have yet again excelled themselves.   First, booze loving Judy Finnigan admitted in her Daily Express column that she “gulped jolly little bright blue [Ibuprofen] capsules,” developed stomach ulcers … Continue reading “Wallies of the Week – Foolish Fogle and Joyless Judy”

January 28, 2019

The DisUnitedKingdom

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests Britain has descended into chaos as a result of Brexit and whether you’re a Brexiteer or Remainer, it is time we stopped hating one another   One in six of us have fallen out with a family member over Brexit according to a survey published today. The figure, we’d suggest, would likely … Continue reading “The DisUnitedKingdom”

January 27, 2019

Fishwife Ferne

by Matthew Steeples

Reality television ‘star’ and ex-girlfriend of acid thrower Ferne McCann caught hurling drinks at National Television Awards   Ferne McCann and chucking things seem to go together. First, the father of her child was deservedly jailed after attacking 22 innocent people with acid and now it has been revealed that this Brentwood born broad chucked … Continue reading “Fishwife Ferne”

January 26, 2019

Finding the Facts

by Matthew Steeples

‘MailOnline’ yet again publishes utter drivel about James Stunt; they should cease their unjustified campaign against this businessman   In The Talented Mr. Ripley, the detective appointed to discover what happened to Dickie Greenleaf states: “In America we’re taught to check a fact before it becomes a fact” and this, indeed, is something that rightly … Continue reading “Finding the Facts”

January 24, 2019

Brainless Borwick

by Matthew Steeples

Lady Borwick yet again puts her foot in it and again defends the senseless ivory trade; shame on her   Poor Borwick! She just cannot help herself. After making a mighty fine fool of her sorry self on the BBC a few Sundays ago, Lady Borwick, it can now be revealed, has yet again come … Continue reading “Brainless Borwick”

January 23, 2019

Falling Down Flass

by Matthew Steeples

Grade II* listed Cumbrian mansion built by opium dealer and once marketed for £1.5 million for sale for just £460,000; it was also the scene of the UK’s biggest ever cannabis raid in 2012   A 23,000 square foot, 52 room, mid-19th century Palladian mansion in the Westmorland Dales National Park is to be sold … Continue reading “Falling Down Flass”

A Moral Vacuum

by Matthew Steeples

Billionaire Brexiteer James Dyson (yet again) shows himself as nothing but a self-serving prick in relocating his HQ to Singapore   Yesterday, in the wake of the crappy hoover manufacturer Sir James Dyson announcing he’d be relocating his headquarters to Singapore, the journalist Tim Walker tweeted: “Need a moral vacuum? Get a Dyson” and followed … Continue reading “A Moral Vacuum”

January 21, 2019

Birthday Bigots

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests the ‘Daily Mail’ simply conformed to type in attacking James Stunt on his birthday   ‘The Daily Fail’ is always capable of conforming to type. In deciding to attack James Stunt on his very own birthday, this cowardly rag went too far.   That they alleged that a successful businessman couldn’t afford … Continue reading “Birthday Bigots”

Awarding a Pun

by Matthew Steeples

Rat-like party crasher David Pun puts in an appearance at the ‘Mayfair Times’ Awards at Claridge’s   Last night, at Claridge’s, blagger and ligger David Pun put in appearance for the Mayfair Times Awards 2019.   No doubt pretending to be a director of Harvey Nichols, Peninsula Hotels and an architect also, Pun sported his … Continue reading “Awarding a Pun”

Harridan Heather

by Matthew Steeples

That Heather Mills has returned to the public eye is nothing but awful; please could someone just send her to Siberia?   When one thought the worst was over and one of Britain’s most loathed women had finally gone away, that woman just had to stick her oar in yet again.   Yesterday, The Sunday … Continue reading “Harridan Heather”

January 20, 2019

Drive On Phil

by Matthew Steeples

Public outrage over Prince Philip returning to the road is ridiculous suggests Matthew Steeples   Even the normally anti-PC Jeremy Clarkson has taken up the new popular cause of demanding Prince Philip be retired from the roads.   Yes, the royal had an accident (but one in which nobody was seriously hurt) and yes, he … Continue reading “Drive On Phil”

January 19, 2019

Dreadful Diane

by Matthew Steeples

Diane Abbott proves herself to be nothing but a moaning menace (yet again)   Diane Abbott just cannot help herself. This dreadful harpy of a woman – whom it must be most excruciatingly be remembered once slept with Jeremy Corbyn – appeared on the BBC’s Question Time show on Thursday and is now claiming she … Continue reading “Dreadful Diane”

January 18, 2019

A Knightsbridge Nuisance

by Matthew Steeples

‘The Steeple Times’ highlights Knightsbridge’s worst nuisance neighbour; meet hotel and leisure fund manager Jochen Schaefer-Suren   Jochen Schaefer-Suren clearly is someone with a passion for harbouring a grudge and an individual prone to intimidating others.   Yesterday, at Kensington Town Hall, this cowardly individual failed to personally to turn up in a case lawyers … Continue reading “A Knightsbridge Nuisance”

January 17, 2019

Billing Against Brexit

by Matthew Steeples

As a restaurant popular with politicians adds anti-Brexit slogans to its bills, it must be highlighted that the hospitality industry is entirely dependent on immigrant workers   On Tuesday, inews reported that a restaurant in London’s County Hall, the Westminster Kitchen Grill Bar, now adds anti-Brexit slogans to its bills.   Featuring a declaration that: … Continue reading “Billing Against Brexit”

January 16, 2019

Supporting Giovanni

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples criticises the ‘Evening Standard’s’ Benedict Moore-Bridger for his unjustified attack on the Knightsbridge restaurant Giovanni   Benedict Moore-Bridger is an Evening Standard journalist who has been criticised for his “lazy work” and described as “[not] the most popular chap at the office.” Of his writing style, one Twitter user remarked: “[He makes me] … Continue reading “Supporting Giovanni”

January 15, 2019

A Doughnut of a Deal

by Matthew Steeples

That Theresa May has resorted to dishing out doughnuts represents what a Dodo her deal truly is   Theresa May reportedly dished out doughnuts this morning as part of her desperate attempt to persuade MPs to back her in tonight’s Brexit deal vote.   With a large box of Krispy Kreme’s being delivered by an … Continue reading “A Doughnut of a Deal”

January 14, 2019

Bercow’s Brilliance

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples does a U-turn and salutes John Bercow   John Bercow is a truly repugnant specimen. Aside from being married to a vile woman – and one that is most definitely not a lady – who had an affair with his very own cousin, this dwarf in a cheap tie from Brexit lovers’ favourite … Continue reading “Bercow’s Brilliance”

January 13, 2019

A Poldark-esque Pad

by Matthew Steeples

Welsh coastal farm with beach and derelict quarry for sale for just £750,000; its environs were home to an alleged spy in the Second World War   The BBC One hit series Poldark may have been set in Cornwall but anyone wishing to live in a similar setting – complete with its own derelict quarry … Continue reading “A Poldark-esque Pad”

January 11, 2019

Bruce The Brilliant

by Matthew Steeples

Fiona Bruce shows herself to be a most worthy replacement for David Dimbleby on the BBC’s ‘Question Time’; we need more like her   Fiona Bruce and Philip Mould made for a brilliant double act on the BBC’s Fake or Fortune and now, going it alone, she’s proved her worth yet again in taking over … Continue reading “Bruce The Brilliant”

January 10, 2019

Bitter Toxic Brady

by Matthew Steeples

Lady Brady branded a “bitter, toxic feminist” after going on a publicity tour for her pretentious ‘Get What You Want’ podcast   Last year, Baroness Brady of Knightsbridge CBE (and yes, she does remind everyone of that Knightsbridge bit on the homepage of her website despite hailing from Edmonton) issued a vicious and unwarranted attack … Continue reading “Bitter Toxic Brady”

January 8, 2019

Arise The Gavinator

by Matthew Steeples

Gavin Newsom brings hope to America and we expect him to great things as 40th Governor of California; we also urge him to do what he can to free the victims of parental abuse, the Menendez brothers   Gavin Newsom, as the 42nd Mayor of San Francisco, achieved much. This spirited businessman brought in same-sex … Continue reading “Arise The Gavinator”

January 7, 2019

Blessed Borwick’s Back

by Matthew Steeples

Lady ‘Call Me Victoria’ Borwick makes a fool of herself on the BBC’s ‘Big Question’ as it is revealed that the MP who managed to lose the safe seat of Kensington is ludicrously seeking a comeback   Yesterday morning, Lady ‘Call Me Victoria’ Borwick nodded her head on the BBC’s The Big Questions as another … Continue reading “Blessed Borwick’s Back”

January 6, 2019

Charitable Stunt

by Matthew Steeples

James Stunt shares a surprisingly charitable video message in response to the ‘Daily Mail’s’ Alison Boshoff’s attack on his ex-wife Petra Ecclestone’s engagement to Sam Palmer reports Matthew Steeples   When, yesterday, I came across a Daily Mail article complete with a ridiculously long title that read: “Dirty rotten scoundrels who bagged Britain’s richest sisters: … Continue reading “Charitable Stunt”

Mrs Simpson Farmed in Mayfair

by Matthew Steeples

Mayfair “farmhouse” where Mrs Simpson began her affair with the then Prince of Wales for sale for 147% more than it was marketed for in 2012   Last marketed at a price of £4.75 million ($6.04 million, €5.30 million or درهم22.19 million) in 2012 and offered for sale in 2005 at an undisclosed sum also, … Continue reading “Mrs Simpson Farmed in Mayfair”

January 5, 2019

The Collapse of Chelsea Character

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples celebrates the nicknames of Chelsea’s characters but regrets that the area itself is rapidly being stripped of the very character that made it so appealing   In Chelsea well-known barflies and lavish lunchers have long been given wacky nicknames. Amongst my friends and acquaintances are ‘Steve the Lunch’ (known for planning where to … Continue reading “The Collapse of Chelsea Character”

January 3, 2019

The Art of The Tablescape

by Matthew Steeples

‘Tables d’Exception’ launched at Rolls-Royce in Mayfair   On 29th November 2018, the extremely connected and delightfully affable Alexandra Foley organised a party for her client the French interior architect and antique tableware collector Hubert de Vinols at Rolls-Royce Motor Cars London’s Berkeley Square showroom in Mayfair.   Showcasing Mr de Vinols’ ‘Tables d’Exception’ concept … Continue reading “The Art of The Tablescape”

January 4, 2019

The Flaws of Fat Cat Friday

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests that ‘Fat Cat Friday’ is actually not such a bad thing   Today is branded ‘Fat Cat Friday’ by some in the UK. They moan that business chief executives of the top FTSE 100 companies will have received pay matching what an average worker will receive in the whole of 2019 and … Continue reading “The Flaws of Fat Cat Friday”

January 1, 2019

The People of 2018

by Matthew Steeples

The Steeple Times selects the best and worst people of the year past and the ones that’ll be missed   Today, as we wish our readers all the very best for the coming year, we announce the winners and losers of our People of 2018 awards. Here we recall the best, the worst and the … Continue reading “The People of 2018”

December 29, 2018

Brash Beatrice

by Matthew Steeples

Has ‘Tatler’ magazine lost the plot? They’ve named Princess Beatrice one of their “best dressed of the year”   Princess Beatrice is well-known for her fashion fails. From hideous hats to dowdy dresses, the daughter of ‘Randy Andy’ and the Duchess of York rarely fails to deliver a ‘look’ that nobody would want to imitate … Continue reading “Brash Beatrice”

December 28, 2018

Seeking Success

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples  urges successful readers to help an ambitious young man who had the courage to write to the residents of London’s most prosperous areas asking for advice   A letter came through my door recently from someone I’d never met. It impressed me and I want to share it with you, the successful and … Continue reading “Seeking Success”

December 27, 2018

Brazen Brexit Bozo Ben

by Matthew Steeples

Former granny escort boy and ‘Big Brother’ contestant Ben Duncan makes an utter twerp of himself (yet again); this supporter of the far right Traditional Britain Group is nothing but a berk   Yesterday, in a 1:20 minute video clip posted on Twitter, ‘Our Future, Our Choice’s’ chief spokesperson Femi Oluwole made an utter prat … Continue reading “Brazen Brexit Bozo Ben”

December 26, 2018

From Ceaușescu to The Queen

by Matthew Steeples

1967 Rolls-Royce state landaulet originally built for the Communist dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu – but considered too extravagant even by him – and later used by Her Majesty The Queen to be auctioned   Romanian President Nicolae Ceaușescu was a dictator whose extravagance was a bit like that of Barbara Amiel: It knew no bounds. In … Continue reading “From Ceaușescu to The Queen”

Gertrude Bell did NOT live here

by Matthew Steeples

Should there be a blue plaque in honour of the controversial explorer Gertrude Bell in Cadogan Square in spite of the fact she did not actually “live” there?   Today, in The Guardian, arts correspondent Mark Brown reported on the controversy that has arisen as a result of English Heritage deciding it appropriate to approve … Continue reading “Gertrude Bell did NOT live here”

December 24, 2018

The Flaws of Ferne

by Matthew Steeples

Ferne McCann yet again shows herself to be nothing but a vile opportunist; she should be taken off our screens   Ferne McCann undoubtedly proved herself a horror in 2017. On the day Arthur Collins, her former boyfriend and father of her child, was jailed in December that year for hurling acid over 22 innocent … Continue reading “The Flaws of Ferne”

December 25, 2018

Happy Christmas 2018

by Matthew Steeples

‘The Steeple Times’ wishes readers a very merry Christmas and hopes for better times in 2019   Without doubt, 2018 has been what Her Majesty The Queen would have called an “annus horribilis.” Aside from the shitshow that has been Theresa May’s disastrous Brexit negotiations, greats like Jim Bowen, Aretha Franklin and Baroness Trumpington died … Continue reading “Happy Christmas 2018”

December 23, 2018

Punish Pavement Pests

by Matthew Steeples

In the wake of a rollerblader causing a woman severe head injuries, Matthew Steeples demands ‘pavement pests’ – including those blessed scooters – be banned from spaces meant for pedestrians   ‘Pavement pests’ – adults on both pavements and roads on such things as children’s pavement scooters and rollerblades and people capable of walking on … Continue reading “Punish Pavement Pests”

December 22, 2018

A Mega Priced Metro

by Matthew Steeples

1985 MG Metro 6R4 to be auctioned; it has an extraordinary estimate of £180,000 to £200,000 and just 175 miles on the clock   With over 1.5 million built during its production run, the Austin (and later Rover) Metro is in the top ten of car models sold by number in the UK ever. Lady … Continue reading “A Mega Priced Metro”

(Not So) Mad Friday

by Matthew Steeples

‘Mad Friday’ thankfully calmer than ever in Chelsea reports Matthew Steeples   Last year, as I walked across the Royal Borough in the evening of the day known as ‘Mad Friday’ or ‘Black Friday’ – the Friday before Christmas and the most popular night of the year for the public to go mental on the … Continue reading “(Not So) Mad Friday”

December 21, 2018

Baloney and Barrymore

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests it is right that Michael Barrymore’s payout from the police is reduced from £2.4 million to a “nominal” sum and suggests ITV develops a moral compass in regard to helping him achieve a comeback   In recent days, in some quarters, there has been outrage that the “entertainer” Michael Barrymore lost the … Continue reading “Baloney and Barrymore”

December 20, 2018

Stupid People

by Matthew Steeples

The behaviour of Jeremy Corbyn yesterday is indicative of a new low in the conduct of British politicians suggests Matthew Steeples   Yesterday in the House of Commons, yah-boo politics reared its ugly head when Jeremy Corbyn allegedly called Theresa May “a stupid woman.”   In spite of Corbyn now claiming he simply referenced “stupid … Continue reading “Stupid People”

December 19, 2018

Yuletide Stunt

by Matthew Steeples

James Stunt shares his views on his ex-wife and her family, Lord Rothermere and others who’ve caused him ill – be prepared to be surprised at what he has to say   In a 12:28 minute video uploaded to YouTube, James Stunt has produced a Christmas missive in which he shares his thoughts on his … Continue reading “Yuletide Stunt”

December 18, 2018

A Fire Sale

by Matthew Steeples

Repossessed Grade I listed Dorset mansion once worth circa £15 million for sale for £3 million; the catch? It’s burnt to the ground   An “exceptionally important,” Grade I listed, 38,000 square foot, 16th century country house in Dorset with 131.6 acres for just £3 million is certainly something that sounds like a bargain. Sadly, … Continue reading “A Fire Sale”

December 17, 2018

A Victory for Babar

by Matthew Steeples

IFAW secure a ban on the sale of most items of ivory in the UK with the assistance of Michael Gove MP and ‘Fake or Fortune’s’ Philip Mould   Elephants love Wednesday, and so will you. Elephants remember Wednesday as if it was only Tuesday. Anthony T. Hincks, author.   Last week, the International Fund … Continue reading “A Victory for Babar”

December 16, 2018

Leave Ambulances Alone

by Matthew Steeples

Brexiteers in yellow vests shockingly take pride in blocking an ambulance from Guy’s and St Thomas’ hospital on Westminster Bridge   Yesterday, Leave.EU’s official Twitter account proudly shared a video of Brexiteers in yellow vests blocking the road on Westminster Bridge.   Aside from declaring that “this is what happens when the establishment ignores the … Continue reading “Leave Ambulances Alone”

December 15, 2018

Stunt slays bin Salman

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples salutes James Stunt for taking to social media to call out the crown prince of Saudi Arabia Mohammed bin Salman over the assassination of Jamal Khashoggi   James Stunt is a gentleman not afraid to mince his words and now, using the power of social media, he has taken to Instagram and YouTube … Continue reading “Stunt slays bin Salman”

December 11, 2018

Proudly Proudlock

by Matthew Steeples

Restaurateur and Chelsea beacon Michael Proudlock dies   Michael Proudlock left this earth in a fashion befitting of a bon viveur. After a “lavish lunch” at PJ’s on Tuesday 4th December, this renowned restaurateur returned to his home and sadly passed away.     Old Etonian Proudlock – a fixture at first La Brasserie and … Continue reading “Proudly Proudlock”

December 12, 2018

Trashbag Theresa

by Matthew Steeples

Theresa May will likely win today, but, argues Matthew Steeples, the country will be ever poorer as a result   Theresa May is rather like a binbag: Something you want to throw out, but something that once you run out of, you wish you’d crammed in a little more. Equally, like the Duracell Bunny, she’s … Continue reading “Trashbag Theresa”

December 10, 2018

Caught on Caramel

by Matthew Steeples

Fire at Caramel restaurant in South Kensington suspected to be arson   Now, in the wake of the fire at Caramel restaurant on Brompton Road, South Kensington last week, police have released images of two men they wish to question in regard to what they now suspect to be arson.     Damage to both … Continue reading “Caught on Caramel”

December 7, 2018

Wally of the Week – Tom Harwood

by Matthew Steeples

Petulant child Tom Harwood makes a nuisance of himself on ‘Politics Live’ after previously claiming he can singlehandedly defeat ISIS and making comparison of Brexit to using a condom   “Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.” Spike Milligan, Puckoon (1963)   Former leader of the student wing of Vote Leave Tom Harwood describes … Continue reading “Wally of the Week – Tom Harwood”

December 6, 2018

Caramelized

by Matthew Steeples

Frontage of former La Brasserie premises in South Kensington – now Caramel – burnt to a crisp   Last night, at around 3.30am, the frontage of Caramel on Brompton Road in South Kensington went up in flames.   Situated on Brompton Cross within the former premises of the much loved and now much missed La … Continue reading “Caramelized”

December 5, 2018

When Shall We Three Meet Again?

by Matthew Steeples

As Theresa May hangs on in spite of revolts and defeats, Matthew Steeples asks: ‘How much longer can this kitten heeled harbinger of disaster hang on?’   When shall we three meet again In thunder, lightning, or in rain? Macbeth (I, i, 1-2)   For Theresa May, like buses, defeats come in threes. In spite … Continue reading “When Shall We Three Meet Again?”

December 3, 2018

Save The Swan

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples highlights that not only the appalling case of two swans and five cygnets being shot in Kent but also other problems facing these majestic birds   This summer, on The Serpentine in Hyde Park, I witnessed a Chinese tourist attempting to hug a swan. Though I told him how unacceptable this truly was, … Continue reading “Save The Swan”

A Dictator Rides

by Matthew Steeples

Superb example of the “world’s ultimate limousine” to be auctioned; the Mercedes-Benz 600 Pullman was the favourite of dictators across the globe   Produced from 1963 to 1981 with a run of 2,677 units made, the Mercedes-Benz 600 Pullman – also known as the ‘Grosser’ or ‘Grand Mercedes’ – is undoubtedly a star amongst cars. … Continue reading “A Dictator Rides”

December 2, 2018

The Modern Macnab

by Matthew Steeples

6,000 acre Scottish estate that offers the perfect opportunity to bag a ‘Macnab’ for sale for less than a price of a poky Knightsbridge flat   John Buchan’s 1925 novel John Macnab is a must read and centres on three successful but bored friends – lawyer Sir Edward Leithen, Conservative politician John Palliser-Yeates MP and … Continue reading “The Modern Macnab”

November 29, 2018

The Berk Bercow

by Matthew Steeples

Speaker Bercow brings shame on himself and Britain through his mendacious ways (yet again) suggests Matthew Steeples   John Bercow could be criticised for marrying a rough bird named Sally (who then had an affair with his very own cousin and flirted outrageously on television with the somewhat strange gypsy Paddy Doherty) but now he’s … Continue reading “The Berk Bercow”

November 28, 2018

A Castle With A Catch

by Matthew Steeples

Romantic island in Ireland complete with its own castle for sale for just £80,000; there is, of course, a catch   A 0.54 acre island at the southeastern end of Lough Key, near Boyle in County Roscommon is to be sold this December. A castle was built there first in the 12th century and though … Continue reading “A Castle With A Catch”

November 27, 2018

Creepy Cliff

by Matthew Steeples

Christian crooner Cliff Richard yet again gets given a platform to spin a yarn (or fifteen) on ‘Loose Women’ – how utterly gross   On Tuesday, Cliff Richard announced “he would rather ten sex offenders escape than one innocent man suffer” on that pillar of revoltingness that is ITV1’s Loose Women.   “Outrage” rightly ensued … Continue reading “Creepy Cliff”

Moscow Nights

by Matthew Steeples

John Simpson marks the publication of his novel ‘Moscow Nights’ at Daunt Books in Marylebone   Described as: “An engaging yarn with a strong, sometimes mischievous autobiographical element” by The Sunday Times, esteemed foreign correspondent John Simpson launched his second novel at Daunt Books in Marylebone last night.     Amongst those present to celebrate … Continue reading “Moscow Nights”

November 24, 2018

CocktailING

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples tears apart ‘ES’ magazine’s new restaurant critic for using a ridiculous non-word – “cocktailing”   In this week’s ‘ES’ magazine a prat (pictured with cartoon drawings of a wine glass and some other bizarre object that looks like a bog brush) named Jimi Famurewa – in a column ridiculously called ‘Jimi Eats World’ … Continue reading “CocktailING”

November 22, 2018

Deal? What Deal?

by Matthew Steeples

Theresa May comes under attack from all sides in Parliament as Speaker Bercow calls “mostly hardline Brexiteers”   On Wednesday in Parliament, the nigh on friendless glaring vicar’s daughter Theresa MaybeNOT attempted to persuade MPs that she has managed to broker an “absolutely clear” Brexit deal.   Near to her sat Andrea ‘Loathsome’ Leadsom bizarrely … Continue reading “Deal? What Deal?”

Marvelous Melvyn

by Matthew Steeples

Veteran political heavyweight Melvyn Bragg lays into Brexit, David Cameron, Jeremy Corbyn and Sir James Dyson   In an interview in The House magazine, Lord Bragg spoke complete sense in condemning the madness of the current British political scene.   Remarks included:   “I’m looking forward to getting hold of [David Cameron’s] book, I can … Continue reading “Marvelous Melvyn”

November 17, 2018

The Modern Day Lady Macbeth

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples presents Theresa May for what she actually is: the modern day Lady Macbeth   Baked beans and Welsh whisky: It about sums the woman up. That woman? Theresa May.   This incompetent yet brighter than one might imagine deviant ate and drank just such in Downing Street on what frankly was her worst … Continue reading “The Modern Day Lady Macbeth”

November 16, 2018

The Murkiness of Maddie

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples questions the reasoning of the continued funding into the investigation into the ‘disappearance’ of Madeleine McCann   Madeleine McCann deserves justice. That’s undeniable but what is utterly wrong is that so do all the other missing and presumed dead children.   That ‘Maddie’s’ supposedly respectable middle class doctor parents – guilty at the … Continue reading “The Murkiness of Maddie”

November 15, 2018

Bring Her Down

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples calls for Theresa May to follow her resigning ministers and JUST GO   Today was a moment in history. First, Theresa May lost a fair few cabinet ministers and then she stupidly claimed: “A good Brexit is possible.”   This deranged and shabbily dressed woman – sadly not even taken on by the … Continue reading “Bring Her Down”

November 14, 2018

Mad Cats

by Matthew Steeples

That a Conservative MP is bringing a bill to force drivers who hit cats to go to the police at this time is quite ludicrous   Rehman Chisthi, the Conservative MP for Gillingham and Rainham, is a man who likes to champion the most odd causes.   A Brexit enthusiast and frequently criticised for “advancing … Continue reading “Mad Cats”

November 13, 2018

A Romantic Takeaway

by Matthew Steeples

Mail Online focuses on the story of the year – that Spencer Matthews and his wife went on “date night” at the British Takeaway Awards; you couldn’t make it up   You can rely on the Mail Online to publish relevant stories. Aside from the fact we’re in the midst of Brexit chaos and California … Continue reading “A Romantic Takeaway”

November 12, 2018

Trounced Theresa

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests Theresa May’s time truly is up   Theresa May stood at The Centopah yesterday and looked like a she was about to be run into the ground.   Next to the scruffy (as could be easily and always predicted) Commie Jeremy Corbyn, this lackadaisical and utterly pointless woman presented an image of … Continue reading “Trounced Theresa”

November 11, 2018

A Cheap Country Cottage

by Matthew Steeples

A Lancashire country cottage with 1.4 acres is for sale for less than the price of a parking space in Knightsbridge; it could be yours for just £80,000   A country cottage with acreage: It sounds idyllic and with a price of just £80,000 ($104,000, €92,000 or درهم381,000), it’s cheaper than the price of a … Continue reading “A Cheap Country Cottage”

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