Matthew Steeples suggests the General Election is going “bonkers in Broadstairs” after the Tories replace “bionic man” Craig Mackinlay with the lover of the disgraced sex fiend Tory Peter Bone as their candidate in East Thanet; elsewhere, petulant ‘popstar’ Holly Valance may throw her hat in for Reform in Basildon and Billericay
- After “sepsis survivor” ex-UKIPer turned Tory Craig Mackinlay MP announced he would not be standing in the newly created East Thanet constituency, it looked to be a shoe-in for lobbyist and Labour candidate Polly Billington in the forthcoming General Election 2024.
- Rumours subsequently circulated that Reform UK’s Nigel Farage might return to the area to run again after he came second for UKIP in South Thanet in 2005; his candidacy in a seat that includes Broadstairs, Margate and Ramsgate would certainly have put the cat amongst the pigeons.
- Farage’s decision to instead run in Clacton returned a definite lead to Billington, but now the Tories have thrown North Northamptonshire based Helen Harrison into the ring; she is the lover of the disgraced ex-MP sex pest Peter Bone – a menace who was found to have “indecently exposed himself” to a male aide.
- Elsewhere in Basildon and Billericay, Donald Trump loving pop singer and ex-‘Neighbours’ actress Holly Vallance is rumoured to be announcing her run for Reform UK in spite of her billionaire hubby Nick Candy being a one-time Tory donor turned Labour supporter.
- The General Election of 2024… The ‘Holly and Polly Show’… You just couldn’t make it up!
Update – 6pm BST, 07/06/24 – There’ll be no ‘Holly and Polly Show’ as Holly Valance Candy has decided not to stand in Basildon and Billericay due to it being “very difficult logistics wise” yet there still could be a ‘Polly and Bone’ show on one of Broadstairs’ beaches yet.
‘Bonny Broadstairs by-the-sea’ isn’t somewhere you’d associate with voters venting, but prior to today’s 4pm deadline for submitting a nomination to be a candidate in the 2024 General Election, here is a place that has already seen a fair few political rumblings during this particular campaign.
First, on the very afternoon ‘Fishy-No-Longer-So-Dishy Rishi’ turned into ‘Soppy Sunak’ as he was drenched in a downpour as he announced that the poll would be held on American Independence Day, 4th July, the Member of Parliament for the area, Craig Mackinlay JP, returned to a “hero’s welcome” in the House of Commons.
Mackinlay, a former deputy leader of UKIP and Conservative MP for South Thanet between 2015 and 2024, was unprecedentedly clapped in to the House of Commons that day after surviving a quadruple amputation of both his legs and arms following an infection of sepsis.
Subsequently, given his ill-health, Mackinlay unsurprisingly decided to announce his decision not to stand and in doing so effectively gave theLabour wannabe for his constituency, a lobbyist and senior advisor at Hanover Communications named Polly Billington, a freer-run than even she was already anticipating.
Now listed as a seat in which Labour are on a 92% chance of winning against the Tory’s 8% chance and where the rest of the parties don’t either register according to the Electoral Calculus website, East Thanet Conservative Association decided to pull a very strange move. They opted to chose a North Northamptonshire councillor, Helen Harrison, as their candidate at a “packed meeting” on 2nd June.
Snapped with Mackinlay in a photo shared on Instagram, Harrison termed the Conservative she wished to replace a “brave man” and told local newspaper The Isle of Thanet News:
“Craig and I share many beliefs. We both campaigned to leave the European Union, in fact I founded Grassroots Out, the second largest Leave campaign. And, like Craig, I was part of Leave Means Leave. I am concerned about the rush to achieve net zero at great cost to ordinary people who cannot afford it. I ran the Back Boris Tour in 2019, which was an integral part of a campaign to get Boris as our Prime Minister to deliver Brexit.”
“I am living in the constituency and will be buying a house locally. As your MP, not only will I hold weekly surgeries and be available to all residents, but you will also likely bump into me in the supermarket or high street.”
“My plan will be to set up a listening campaign. I will listen to the people of East Thanet… I will listen, campaign and deliver… I will always remember that I am East Thanet’s representative in Westminster and not Westminster’s representative in East Thanet.”
Harrison – who recently spectacularly failed to get elected in a by-election in Wellingborough, Northamptonshire where Labour wiped the floor with her – failed to elaborate as to whether she’d be bringing her “longtime partner” of “years” Peter Bone with her. Bone, voters will recall, will go down in history as an ex-Conservative MP who “exposed himself to an aide and physically struck him,” according to The Independent.
Deservedly disgraced Eurosceptic hardliner Bone – a maniacal menace formerly prone to quoting his now ex-wife Jeanette at PMQs – a House of Commons report found, had “committed many varied acts of bullying and one act of sexual misconduct” against a male member of his staff. The report detailed that aside from grotesque ‘antics’ on other occasions, the then MP for Wellingborough had “dropped his towel and exposed his genitals close to his employee’s face” and went on to expose himself to the complainant in a bedroom they had shared on a work trip in 2013.
Speaking to The Steeple Times earlier today, one Broadstairs local sensibly surmised: “One can only hope Ms. Harrison leaves ‘The Boner’ at home in Northamptonshire. We most definitely don’t need that frothing at the mouth fruitcake ‘frolicking’ in our local hostelries.”
Elsewhere this morning, the Guido Fawkes political blog shared that the former Neighbours actress and Kiss Kiss and Naughty Boy singer Holly Valance “is eyeing a run as a Reform candidate in Basildon and Billericay… The seat that’s seen Tory chair Richard Holden parachuted into.”
Australian-British citizen and wife of Nick Candy – a ‘billionaire’ property developer considered an “Olympic level name dropper” who has flirted with both Boris Johnson’s Tories and Keir Starmer’s Labour – Valance (born Holly Rachel Vukadinović to a Serbian father and a British mother) is already a busy bee on the politics front this month.
Next Friday, after having confirmed herself as a crackpot in claiming the “climate crisis, or lack of, is not a crisis” in February at a “taking back control… freedom” PopCon event with Liz Truss, 12th June, birdbrained Valance is to co-host a ‘Trump 47’ reception and dinner at a venue as yet unknown in London.
‘Mrs Holly Candy,’ as Valance is trumpeted on the official invite, at a gathering where “attendance and contributions [are] strictly limited to U.S. citizens and permanent residents only” are several ambassadors as co-hosts including Duke Buchan III, George Glass and Richard Grenell. Guests of honour will include the endangered species slayer Donald Trump Jr. and his harridan half-wit wife Kimberly Guilfoyle, the ex-wife of Democrat ‘Gavinator’ and 40th governor of California, Gavin Newsom.
The price for a plate to nosh-it-up alongside Mrs Candy? £78,000 per couple. The price for a ‘photo opportunity’? A bargain basement snip for a snap at just £20,000.
Pictured top (left to right) – Donald Trump, Nigel Farage and Holly Valance; ‘bionic man’ Craig Mackinlay in Parliament; Mr Mackinlay with ‘replacement’ candidate Helen Harrison; Peter Bone with Harrison, Bone with his now ex-wife “the much quoted” Jeanette and wearing a stupid hat in the House of Commons; Labour candidate for East Thanet, lobbyist Polly Billington.
Editor’s note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples and watch his current nightly show on YouTube at 8.30pm daily.
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Candidates confirmed as standing in East Thanet (as of 1pm on Friday 7th June 2024):
Labour – Polly Billington.
Conservative – Helen Harrison.
Green – Steve Roberts.
Liberal Democrats – Jai Singh.
Reform UK – Paul Webb.
Candidates confirmed as standing in Basildon and Billericay (as of 1pm on Friday 7th June 2024):
Labour – Alex Harrison.
British Deomocratic – Christopher Bateman.
Reform UK – Stephen Conlay.
Green – Stewart Goshawk.
Conservative – The Right Honourable Richard Holden (Member of Parliament for North West Durham from 12th December 2019 to 30th May 2024).
Liberal Democrats – Edward Sainsbury.
Candidates confirmed as standing in Clacton (as of 1pm on Friday 7th June 2024):
Liberal Democrats – Matthew Bensilum.
Reform UK – Nigel Farage.
Green – Natasha Osben.
Labour – Jovan Owusu-Nepaul.
Conservative – Giles Watling (former Bread actor and Member of Parliament for Clacton from 8th June 2017 to 30th May 2024 thus far).
