Matthew Steeples explores conundrum of how to describe cheese made from goat’s milk and shares thoughts of Susie Dent to Alan Rusbridger, Christine Hamilton, Jay Rayner, Matthew Jukes, Mic Wright, Nigella Lawson, Matthew Wright, Tom Parker Bowles and Samantha Markle on goat cheese.
As Prince Harry brings Pizza Express up in legal proceedings against Mirror Group Newspapers, shouldn’t the chain be given a royal warrant given Prince Andrew used it as an alibi also?
As the Duchess of Sussex gets busy with ‘lemon olive oil cake’ for a new cookery book and revives ‘The Tig’ also, one is left wondering if she’ll collaborate with Elizabeth Arden and promote ‘todger cream’ as well.
As McDonald’s attracts mockery for placing a “darkly comical” advert for their McCrispy sandwich next to a crematorium sign in Cornwall, we discover a journalist enthusiast for the processed chicken product who even wears McDonald’s branded leisurewear.
‘The Steeple Times’ counters ‘Dry January’ by selecting five drinking delights that those on a variety of budgets will say cheers to in this anything but actually maudlin month.
Matthew Steeples samples petrolhead and television chef James Martin’s London Dry Gin and finds tradition with a twist dominates in his punchy 44% ABV tipple.
As Pan Macmillan issue a “safety statement” over ‘gender X’ harpy Jack Monroe’s patronising-the-poor book ‘Thrifty Kitchen,’ Matthew Steeples suggests they’d do better to recall it and pulp it.
As noxious nonce Ghislaine Maxwell rots in jail living on grotty grub and unable to afford an appeal, her husband Scott Borgerson is spotted living it up with his sexually saucy sidekick courtesy of the £15 million the mucky madam transferred to him.
The elevation of busybody-bore and all-round grim grifter Jack Monroe by ‘The Grocer’ represents a pinnacle in pointlessness claims Matthew Steeples; Keith Floyd this lentil loving loon certainly ain’t.
As the cost of living crisis deepens, the kindness of The Alexandra Wimbledon is to be saluted; they are offering free Christmas lunches with wine on 25th December for all lonely single people.
How can the pugnacious pensioner Sir Cliff Richard be spending Christmas Day making gravy ‘live’ in London with queue jumpers Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield when he also claims to be spending it in Fort Lauderdale, Florida also?
Matthew Steeples samples Bone Idyll gin and finds the concept of this “community funded” south-west London distillery brilliantly bonkers; here are “period fantasy” gins made with passion and panache.
Matthew Steeples samples Terlingham Vineyard’s Bacchus Dry Gin; it’s made with the last of this Kentish winery’s 2020 Bacchus wine yet still is clearly a classic, dry gin.
Noxious nonce Ghislaine Maxwell will no doubt give thanks that she’s getting Tofurky® this Thanksgiving; the notoriously fussy eater will likely love this vegan nosh-up.
A 16th century word – ‘quafftide’ – announcing that “it’s time for a drink” is something that should be added to the vocabulary of every single household in the land.
As ITV’s ‘Good Morning Britain’ Rachelle Ferron calls out Plantation Rum as a “horror” brand that “chokes,” Matthew Steeples asks if this is cancel culture crazy warbling by a woke wazzock?
In actually showing the British public how to actually cook a meal costing no more than £1 per head, TV chef Miguel Barclay contributes something useful whereas the likes of food bank fighters Lee Anderson MP and Jack Monroe continue just to carp.
In patronising the poor, bombastic bully and bore Jack Monroe yet again shows her truly nasty colours; here is a pontificating pillock who helps utterly nobody (apart from her not-so-sorry self).
In scrapping best-before dates on 500 fresh products, Waitrose has seen sense and will help reduce food waste; they should be saluted, but what will ‘went-off-at-birth’ Waitrose-hater Owen Jones have to say?
Wine enthusiast Fred Skulthorp samples Romania’s £2 a bottle Legend of Dracula wine whilst flying from Cluj to Stansted and considers national decline.
As mouthy menace Jack Monroe threatens to sue mouthy menace Lee Anderson MP, Matthew Steeples suggests the only winner will be the laughing-all-the-way-to-the-bank lawyers; why don’t these tiresome attention seekers forget Monroe v Anderson and have a 30p cook-off hosted by Jamie Oliver instead?
As Minor International force restaurateurs Chris Corbin and Jeremy King out, loyal diners unsurprisingly back the dynamic duo and slam the tenacious Thais for their takeover.
New contributor Anthony Smart delights in flapjacks created by two retired Devon ladies; they’ve turned Flapjackery into a £1 million business that has even attracted the attention of Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla Duchess of Cornwall.
Corbin & King co-founder and restaurateur par excellence Jeremy King declares “business as usual” and boldly vows to buy his company back out of administration.
As horrendously nutty ex-MEP Roger Helmer bangs on about having a burger at Wetherspoons, an image of PM Boris Johnson and the chain’s boss Tim Martin at a BYOB at 10 Downing Street trends on Twitter; we also remind readers of Helmer’s past antics.
Finickity ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ Facebook group members get it completely wrong in attacking a restaurateur fined for putting up a poster advertising work at his Italian in Bristol.
Waitrose started promoting Easter merchandise on the 2nd January; Easter Sunday is not until 17th April and naturally ‘Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells’ mentality kicked in on social media.
As Ghislaine Maxwell turns 60 today and remains in the clink, she gets ‘treated’ to a Christmas Day meal consisting of grub options that include meatloaf and a pack of peanuts.
