Woottoning Up Appearances – Disgraceful Deadbeat Dan Wootton

As dastardly deadbeat Dan Wootton makes a pillock of himself yet again, Matthew Steeples reminds of his vicious spitefulness to the utterly delightful international sensations Susan Boyle and Johnny Depp

Susan Boyle personifies everything that the fictional Hyacinth Bucket of the sadly disgracefully ‘cancelled’ BBC series Keeping Up Appearances would have aspired to be. Hyacinth may have loved to ‘trill’ to her admittedly petrified local vicar, but Susan delighted a nation (and even him of the very high ‘troosers’ Simon Cowell) with her rendition of I Dreamed a Dream back in April 2009. She is unsurprisingly an international treasure and loved by old and young throughout Britain and beyond.

Though both came from humble backgrounds and were raised on council estates, Hyacinth aspired and believed she was destined for grander things. Hyacinth truly wanted a Mercedes and a pony paddock like her sister Violet, yet when modest-to-her-core Susan bought what she termed a “posh house,” she decided only to use it for rehearsing. This down-to-earth delight instead decided she’d rather be back in the humble familial home where she grew up with her eight siblings.

Both active volunteers in their local churches and both passionate nationalists, here are two ladies of stature that the world came to love and here today I remind of a rat-not-a-man who had the audacity to be malicious about the undoubtedly more famous of the two. That rotten rat? His name is Dan Wootton.

Wootton is someone who has been doing the rounds on social media in recent days as it seems there’s a bit of a whiff about him. An openly gay journalist who has second chances galore at everywhere from the Mail to The Sun and someone forced to harbour currently at the Titanic vessel-like GB News, this New Zealander once had the audacity to call the completely harmless Miss Boyle “volatile.” If that was not bad enough, this tepid toerag added: “[She’s] forced to shop at Tesco and travel by bus.”

A kind of kookier-than-kooky combo of both the leftie loon Chavs author Owen Jones and the appropriately named grimmer than grim right-wing rang Darren Grimes, Wootton firstly got it wrong when he described a lady diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in this way. In doing so, he simply illustrated that he’s nothing but the kind of nasty stain on humanity that one wouldn’t want on their cheapest of penny loafers, but also got it wrong when he had a pop at ordinary, decent folk who perfectly reasonably find themselves shopping at Tesco and ordinary, decent folk who cannot afford to travel in luscious limousines.

Far from being a high roller in a fat Phantom himself, this cretinous creep went further in slamming the legendary actor Johnny Depp as a “wife beater.” That didn’t go so well for him, but in their revelations this week Byline Times pulled a blinder when they “unmasked” this pointless prattler – whose other identities allegedly include “Martin Branning” (a combo of the names of two EastEnders character’s names supposedly) – as allegedly being involved in what they termed a “cash-for-sexual-catfishing scandal.” ‘Lady of the house speaking’ Hyacinth and sensational songstress Susan certainly wouldn’t be having any of that in their orbit. No candlelit suppers for Dan Wootton anytime soon.

Editor’s note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples.

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Delusional Dan Wootton’s not-so ‘finest’ moments

On Dominic Cummings (who’d probably have preferred even Katie Hopkins as a defender) – “Make no mistake, the establishment is out to get Dominic Cummings… I despair.”

On footballer David Beckham and his singer turned fashion designer wife Victoria (whose fans responded with fury) – “Weird and creepy.”

On singer George Shelley (whose unsurprisingly fans got equally upset) – “[He’s] done a Tom Daley and come out as bisexual.”

On singer Susan Boyle (whose management hit back with denial) – “Volatile… Forced to shop Tesco and travel by bus.”

On political activist and Novara Media editor Ash Sarkar (before he “shut her down” during a “fiery conversation”) – “Grasping.”

On Celebrity Masterchef winner Emma Kennedy (who reported him to Ofcom and threated to sue him with the help of Carter Ruck) –“Deranged Boris hater.”

On actor Johnny Depp (who sued him for defamation) – “Wife beater.”