Becoming a ‘JewBu’

1. Live and let live. I will give Lapo the benefit of the doubt, my late father also thought he was a sort of a free spirit.
   He befriended the local Catholic Priest, apparently they both shared a passion for a sport called Bowls, my father had a very inquisitive nature, he cross-examined and probed the poor Priest on the administration and management of a Catholic Church, especially the financial aspects. He was especially very interested in the confessional box, a small enclosed booth used for the Sacrament of Penance in the Catholic Church, for the purposes of confessions and the possibilities of donations. He convinced the Rabbi by means of coercion to introduce the scheme as pilot for a short trail period as the Synagogue’s balance sheet was reflecting worrying deficits. He thought that he would implement the new initiative and hear the confessions of the Jewish congregation.
   His first client was Cyril Katzenberg who owned and managed a small Hotel.
   My Father said, ” How can I be of assistance to you?
   Cyril replied” I have done something terrible”
   My Father replied” What could you have done that is so terrible” your Synagogue attendance is excellent”
   Cyril replied” I fornicated with my assistant manager’s wife.
   My Father replied, It is very disappointing news, I will forgive you, put a tenner in my box, and behave yourself in the future. The next day the same story is repeated, Cyril is back at the confession box with a similar story.
   My Father said, “What now”
   Cyril replied” I fornicated with the beverage Manager’s girlfriend”
   My Father said, “This nonsense must stop now, it is undignified behaviour, and this congregation will not tolerate it, put a tenner in my box
   Cyril replied, ” I only have 20 Pound note.
   My Father replied “put it in the box, I will owe you a doodle for next time”

2. Chaim…a joke from a good Catholic boy to a good Jewish boy

   A Roman Catholic priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do.

   The rabbi comes over, and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says, “Father, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asks, “What did you do?”. The woman says, “I committed adultery.” Priest: “How many times?” Woman: “Three times.” Priest: “Say two Hail Mary’s, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.”

   A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says, “Father, forgive me for I have sinned.” Priest: “What did you do?” Man: “I committed adultery.” Priest:”How many times?” Man: “Three times.” Priest: “Say two Hail Mary’s put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.”

   The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got it so the priest leaves.

   A few minutes later another woman enters and says, “Father, forgive me for I have sinned.” Rabbi: “What did you do?” Woman: “I committed adultery.”

   Rabbi: “How many times?”

   Woman: “Once.”

   Rabbi: “Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5.”

3. Lapo indulges in his own appetites and desires, his behavioural patterns and body language are similar to that of Russell Brand. They both display features of the Self-Gratification disorder, The Self- Gratification disorder (also known as “infantile masturbation”, despite occurring in children as old as 10 years old. The disorder has crossed over into adulthood, in the case of Brand and Elkann. They will sadly always be obsessed with their genitals. Hardly the criteria for being a Buddhist.

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