Website of the Week 2021 – Cold Dahl

New site Cold Dahl makes a mockery of Prince Andrew’s nonsensical gibberish about not sweating; its first video clip is a ‘must watch’

Prince Andrew allegedly doesn’t sweat. He supposedly doesn’t hug and he doesn’t recall wrapping his chubby fingers around the waist of Virginia Roberts at the home of the mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell back in 2001. Allegedly, he claims, he was instead living it up in Pizza Express.

Yesterday, a relatively new site mocking this rotten royal named ‘Cold Dahl’ that is animated by ‘Beatrix Shotter’ – clearly a pun on the names of two famous authors of children’s books – shared an amusing video they’d made on YouTube. It is both amusing and witty.

The 1:41 minute segment features an adapted version of the infamous 2019 Emily Maitlis BBC Newsnight interview with the pugnacious prince ‘Randy Andy’ and is certainly well worth watching.

As ever, here is proof that the Duke of York has a morphed into one thing: A comedy car crash and a national embarrassment. Again today, we suggest that this “person of interest” now does the right thing and that is to head to America and answer the FBI’s questions.

Prince Andrew’s most ridiculous remarks

“I could have worse tags than ‘Airmiles Andy’ – although I don’t know what they are.”

“People say to me: ‘Would you like to swap your life with me for 24 hours? Your life must be very strange.’ But, of course, I have not experienced any other life. It’s not strange to me.”

“There’s a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don’t sweat or I didn’t sweat at the time and that was… was it… yes, I didn’t sweat at the time because I had suffered what I would describe as an overdose of adrenalin in the Falkland’s War when I was shot at and I simply… it was almost impossible for me to sweat. And it’s only because I have done a number of things in the recent past that I am starting to be able to do that again. So, I’m afraid to say that there’s a medical condition that says that I didn’t do it so therefore…”

“We can’t be certain as to whether or not that’s my hand on her whatever it is, left… left side … [of the photograph with Virginia Roberts] Nobody can prove whether or not that photograph has been doctored but I don’t recollect that photograph ever being taken.”

“I went [to Jeffrey Epstein’s house] with the sole purpose of saying to him that because he had been convicted, it was inappropriate for us to be seen together. And I had a number of people counsel me in both directions, either to go and see him or not to go and see him and I took the judgement call that because this was serious and I felt that doing it over the telephone was the chicken’s way of doing it. I had to go and see him and talk to him.”

“[Jeffrey Epstein’s house] was a convenient place to stay. I mean I’ve gone through this in my mind so many times. At the end of the day, with a benefit of all the hindsight that one can have, it was definitely the wrong thing to do. But at the time I felt it was the honorable and right thing to do and I admit fully that my judgment was probably colored by my tendency to be too honorable but that’s just the way it is.”

“I’ve always been told I was extremely well behaved as a kid.”

“If you’re a man it is a positive act to have sex with somebody. You have to … take some sort of positive action and so therefore if you try to forget it’s very difficult to try and forget a positive action and I do not remember anything.”

“It’s slightly complicated for people to grasp the idea of a head of state in human form.”

And finally, stating the bloody obvious: “Today is reality. Yesterday is history.”