Whilst well-known as a lover of having her tepid toes sucked in the past, Pizza Express (Woking branch) loving ‘Randy Andy’s’ live-in ex-wife enthusiasm for a book about “emitting wind from the anus” was subsequently described as her showing she’s “ever the working girl” according to the MailOnline’s Claire Toureille.
Fergie’s farts, however, have yet to gain gas and go viral. In spite of a further article by Craig Brown in the Daily Mail which asked if the fruitcake known as the former Meghan Markle would be doing a follow-up fart “30 years from now,” just 835 people have actually bothered to watch this one-time royal bang on about flatulence.
Famous Farts
Roald Dahl, The BFG
“A whizzpopper!” cried the BFG, beaming at her. “Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans?”
Ernest Hemmingway, 88 Poems
“Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.
Come let us fart in the home.
There is no art in a fart.
Still a fart may not be artless.
Let us fart and artless fart in the home.”
Robert Rinder
“I can smell a liar like a fart in a lift!”
Farting Fergie – What will Her Majesty The Queen make of Sarah, Duchess of York’s decision to share stories with the world via YouTube about farting?Farting Fergie – In February 2018, the ‘Mirror’ reported that: “The Queen once got accused of farting loudly and trying to blame it on the horses.” They remarked: “The Queen is probably one of the last people on earth you can imagine farting in public. Not only would it be mortifying to accidentally let rip while meeting her subjects, the whole world would soon get to know about it.”
Farting Fergie – ‘Fergie’s’ non-sweating ex-husband Prince Andrew was widely mocked after claiming to distinctly remember a visit to Pizza Express in Woking on the day he allegedly had sex with the then teenage Virginia Roberts, now Giuffre, in 2001. During his juggernaut crashworthy interview with Emily Maitlis in November 2019, he remarked: “I was with the children and I’d taken Beatrice to a Pizza Express in Woking for a party at I suppose four or five in the afternoon. And then because the duchess [Sarah Ferguson] was away, we have a simple rule in the family that when one is away the other is there.” Whether he actually attended has since been disputed and whether he actually consumed pizza and whether it caused him to fart remains still unknown.Farting Fergie – On Thursday 20th August 1992, the ‘Daily Mirror’ shared what they called “the pictures they didn’t want you to see.” In them, a topless Duchess of York was shown having her toes sucked in the South of France by a Texan millionaire named John Bryan. Of the incident, the ‘Mirror’ later reported: “Royal writer Richard Kay claimed in the ‘Daily Mail’ that he received a message via pager from Princess Diana the night before the photos hit the newspaper stands. Diana’s message was simple: ‘The redhead’s in trouble.’”Farting Fergie – Sarah, Duchess of York pictured with the since incarcerated Ghislaine Maxwell at an opening party at Asprey in 2003. It remains unknown as to whether ‘Fergie’ ever repaid a loan from the mucky madam’s now croaked boss Jeffrey Epstein, but this week a New York court threw out mendacious Maxwell’s bid to keep her 2016 testimony about sex toys sealed.
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.
The age-old question of origin and the response of “He who denieth it supplieth it” would be rendered obsolete if the audible warning became good manners. It should become something “done in the best possible taste.”
This pathetic bitch needs a cork in both ends, nuff said.
As man-pestering Mark Menzies, the MP they have supported since 2008, is exposed for yet more sordid sexual shenanigans, the Fylde Conservative Association yet again prove themselves a bunch of nutty nincompoops by sharing tweets about “vile degenerates” making “sexually explicit” comments.
As meddling minx Meghan Markle gets mocked about her jaunt into jam and loopy lettuce-loathing loon Liz Truss gets mocked about bumbling like a buffoon about her book, Samantha Markle speaks exclusively to ‘The Steeple Times’ about her soppy, self-centred sister.
Matthew Steeples reveals that £70 million art fraudster Inigo Philbrick has been disgracefully freed after just 1-year and and 8 months in jail in spite of being sentenced to 7-years in the clink.
What was Martin Frizell thinking in allowing carbonara munching Sarah, Duchess of York to guest edit and co-host ‘This Morning’ and what was he thinking in pairing her up with the creepy Christian crooner and “fat shamer” Sir Cliff Richard?
As Kevin Spacey’s eccentric ‘friend’ Geoffrey Mark claims the “exonerated” actor will now “leave the nonsense behind” and begin his comeback, we remind of his friendships with ‘curious sorts’ including Prince Andrew, Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell and Harvey Weinstein.
As the grubby groper Chris Pincher resigns as an MP, this sex pest bizarrely pens a crass column in which he laments times passed when “life was to be lived and not loathed.”
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In a revision to our Christmas discussion dinner event on Sunday 8th December, Matthew Steeples will now delve into developments in the Menendez brothers, Madeleine McCann and Ghislaine Maxwell cases with freelance writer and former BBC publicist Claire Rubinstein.
Matthew Steeples to interview Karen Phillipps, author of the newly released ‘Get Carman’ at 8th December discussion dinner in London; an account of the life and times of “Britain’s most feared lawyer” George Carman QC.
Matthew Steeples suggests that with new ownership looming, it is time for ‘The Telegraph’ to put Ghislaine Maxwell apologists agony aunt Rachel Johnson and agony uncle Richard Madeley out to pasture.
Matthew Steeples suggests the late Jeffrey Epstein’s close chum, meddling ‘Prince of Darkness’ Peter Mandelson, to be totally unfit to be British ambassador to the US.
Phillip Schofield filmed smoking shisha with his alleged ex-lover Matt McGreevy (and pictured in bed thereafter); another image shows the pair together in photograph...
As author Kirby Sommers suggests that the then Meghan Markle likely spent time with Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein before she met Prince Harry, we again highlight the mucky, murkiness and mendacious manner of this alleged “yacht girl.”
‘Politicalite’ suggest Phillip Schofield orchestrated his ‘mass coming out’ after a former ‘This Morning’ runner had gone to the press about a supposed relationship...
Expose interview with Matthew Steeples by Shaun Attwood and Jennifer Hopkins about the former Meghan Markle watched over 73,000 times in 16 hours since it aired; Steeples condemns hapless Prince Harry and his meddling menace wife.
Oldham born divorcee and former glamour model Ampika Pickston describes herself as “feisty, fun loving and warm hearted”. Now based in Hale Barns, Cheshire...
Power of social media proven after senseless killing of James Scurlock in Omaha, Nebraska allegedly by a controversial bar owner named Jake Gardner who has been photographed with Donald Trump.
Entitled Hamptons brat Jonathan Davis exposed for allegedly squatting in Sag Harbor during the coronavirus lockdown; it turns out he’s a realtor with NestSeekers.
The age-old question of origin and the response of “He who denieth it supplieth it” would be rendered obsolete if the audible warning became good manners. It should become something “done in the best possible taste.”
This pathetic bitch needs a cork in both ends, nuff said.