Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung

Fashion fruitcake Alexa Chung arrogantly announces that she has no interest in anything other than “endless parties” in “post-pandemic” times

Whilst over 100,000 people may have died from coronavirus in Britain to date, this morning, the Guardian’s Jess Cartner-Morley shared that alien-to-all-of-this Alexa Chung – a weird wench who once merged her entire name into one hashtag, #ALEXACHUNG –  has announced that her priority is not helping others, but instead getting her glad rags on when the pandemic is over.

In response to a WhatsApp message from Cartner-Morley, fresh from running up debts of £2.3 million in 2020, ex-Big Mouth Chung supposedly, without a thought for those already gone and others on their deathbeds, ridiculously replied:

“When I think about life post-pandemic, all I can think about is endless parties… [I will be in] eye-wateringly short bodycon dresses – I may need matching knickers – and high heels.”

NHS staff and key workers will no doubt also be delighted to learn of Chung’s latest pearl and once again: “Thanks, Alexa” will resonate throughout the land.

Descriptions of Alexa Chung

By herself:

• “Starlet.”
• “Human.”
• “Fashion brand.”
• “Queen of Instagram.”
• “It’s no surprise to me that I’m in this position now.”
• “I’m driven by a desire to communicate.”
• “I have an emotional connection with other people.”
• “Airports are such emotionally charged places. I travel a lot, and I people-watch. And I love that British thing of wearing your holiday outfit home but with a sensible jacket because if you are British you are never not thinking about the weather.”
• “I’m always under scrutiny – and I always feel it.”
• “[Modelling] warped my reality.”

By Lily Waddell of the Mail on Sunday:

• “Fashion royalty.”
• “The belle of the ball.”
• “The biggest designer name of the moment.”
• “A style maven.”
• “A starlet.”
• “A fashion genius.”

By Niomi Harris of the MailOnline:

• “Usually cuts a stylish figure at showbiz bashes.”
• “Stunning.”
• “Allows her dress to do the talking.”

By Kayleigh Giles of the MailOnline:

• “Sits front row at almost every major Fashion Week show.”
• “Stylish.”
• “Star.”

By Anna Wintour:

• “A phenomenon.”

By The Sun’s Simon Boyle:

• “Miserable, snooty model.”
• “Galling.”
• “Ridiculous.”
• “Does naff all.”
• “Stuck-up socialite.”
• “Believes she knows better.”
• “If Alexa really had any kind of nous, she’d have cut the ridiculous costs of her line.”
• “Don’t go into business with a pretentious model [like Alexa Chung], there’s a lesson for you.”