As the grubby groper Chris Pincher resigns as an MP, this sex pest bizarrely pens a crass column in which he laments times passed when “life was to be lived and not loathed”
A ‘Poundland sex fiend’ best known for “arse squeezing” at the tony Carlton Club in London’s ritzy St James’s has finally done the decent thing and resigned.
The Right Honourable Chris Pincher, the 53-year-old now former Member of Parliament for Tamworth, groped two men in the private members’ club on the night of 21st June 2022.
Parliament’s Independent Expert Panel subsequently found that the associate of Boris Johnson and former minister exhibited behaviour that “was completely inappropriate, profoundly damaging to the individuals concerned, and represented an abuse of power.” They added that he had “touched [one of] his victim’s bottom before moving his hand to touch and squeeze the witness’s testicles, which lasted for a few seconds.”
Formally announcing his resignation today and triggering a by-election in the process, the disgraced Tory stated:
“I have said already that I will not stand at the next general election. However, following the Independent Expert Panel’s decision I wanted to talk to my office team and family.”
“I do not want my constituents to be put to further uncertainty, and so in consequence I have made arrangements to resign and leave the Commons.”
Concluding in typically cowardy custard fashion, Pincher concluded:
“Tamworth is a wonderful place and it has been an honour to represent its people. I shall make no further comment at this time.”
Shockingly and in spite of the scandal surrounding him, in the August-September issue of The Critic magazine, Pincher has been given space to share his views. In an article about Alvis cars, the ‘trouser department sex pest’ shared his view that “owning an Alvis has never been for tight wallets or shallow pockets” and then whined:
“They are beautiful cars, redolent of an age when motoring meant adventure, freedom and fun, long before we all began to fret about the future and flog our friends and ourselves for daring to show some spirit and enjoy the day. It was a better time when life was to be lived not loathed. Boris Johnson would suit an Alvis.”
It is unknown if Pincher remains a member of the Carlton Club or if he actually himself owns an Alvis, but what is most definitely for sure is that this grubby groper will go down in history as one of the key reasons for the fall of Boris Johnson as Prime Minister.
Editor’s note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples and watch his current nightly show on YouTube at 9pm daily.
A message from our editorial team – Thank you for reading this article. We’re more reliant on your support than ever as the shift in consumer habits brought about by coronavirus and the cost-of-living crisis impacts our advertisers.
If you haven’t already, please consider supporting our trusted, fact-checked journalism by supporting our work via Patreon.
Other Tory twerps who’ll go down in history as ‘Sex Pests’ (at the very least)…
Where would we all be without the sex lives of MPs to entertain us?
Interesting to see what the bye election brings. I assume the Tories will be totally routed.