Picture of the week: Downing Street’s “shocker” parodied

David Cameron and Nick Clegg as Titanic stars and an analysis of the “sensational love affair” shocking Westminster

The talk of Westminster and Twitter is the Mail on Sunday’s story about the identity of a mystery pair who have been involved in a “sensational love affair” that has “potentially significant political implications” for David Cameron and his government.

The paper states that it “cannot disclose the identities of the people involved or any details of the relationship – or even how long it lasted” because of legal restrictions but here are the key details that they have chosen to share:

– The pair are “middle aged figures”.

– The affair has “now concluded”.

– “It does not involve anyone serving in the Cabinet” (which therefore does not rule out individuals have previously served in the Cabinet).

– The situation has been “labelled ‘dynamite’ and a ‘complete mess’ by senior party sources”.

– The affair has caused “great personal distress to innocent parties”.

– When told, the Prime Minister was said to be “stunned” and “immediately realised the importance of the story”.

The most outrageous and “dynamite” level suggestion that we’ve seen so far about this affair has been published on the Cryptome.org website. If what they suggest were indeed to be true, it certainly would be a “shocker” of a revelation and there certainly would be legal reasons that would prevent this coming out.

We suspect, though, that it’s more likely that this story involves other individuals and equally the Liberal Democrats deputy head of media, Phil Reilly, sought to play the story down in a Twitter posting:

“Was promised Currie/Major level of surprise and something that would impact gov [sic] agenda. That’s a v [sic] high bar. This doesn’t meet it”.

In response, however, Conservative blogger and LBC radio presenter Iain Dale suggested: “Then you haven’t thought it through…” whilst another named One Dart added that it was a “very significant pair involved” in this scandal. Peter Jukes of The Daily Beast, in an article titled “Sex Scandal Engulfs 10 Downing St. As Feral Press Bites Back”, perhaps best analysed the situation:

“In the light of forthcoming trials and royal charter legislation, the timing of the new media-fuelled rumours appears highly suspicious. Not only do they destabilize Cameron at a difficult time when he’s low in the polls, and his right flank is threatened by Tory rebels and the rise of Nigel Farage’s UK Independence party, but legally questionable revelations could undermine forthcoming court cases by publishing material which has not yet been called in evidence, and lead to trials being abandoned for technical reasons”.

“It looks like a high-stakes game of chess is being played at the highest levels of media and politics, but mainly behind the scenes. Once again, the British press looks less like it’s holding politicians to account, and more like it’s holding them hostage”.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on Twitter, suggestions galore have been made. The majority of tweets consisted of ideas as bonkers as those that normally come from people who believe Lord Lucan and Shergar are still alive. One suggested that David Cameron check the hair of his children to see if it there is any hint of the blonde locks the Mayor of London is famous for and others have joked about the coalition “love affair” between Mr Cameron and Nick Clegg.

The best we’ve seen was an image of the Prime Minister and his deputy on a mocked up poster for the film Titanic. In it, they replace actors Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslett as “Leonardo DiCameron” and “Kate Clegg” and the film’s title is changed to “Tit&Nic”. This clever parody was just too good not to be shared and though it sadly doesn’t reveal the identities of whoever is really involved in this scandal, we suspect the names will soon out.

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