The Steeple Times selects the best and worst people of the year past and the ones that’ll be missed
Today, as we wish our readers all the very best for the coming year, we announce the winners and losers of our People of 2018 awards. Here we recall the best, the worst and the ones that will be missed.
The winner of the best person of the year simply had to be Felicity Kendal for morphing from a much loved actress to a seasoned campaigner; the worst could only go to Meghan, Duchess of Sussex for her PR catastrophes and the most missed, for us, comes in the form of the eccentric farmer turned TV star Hannah Hauxwell.
Sir David Attenborough OM, CH, CVO, CBE, FRS, FLS, FZS, FSA, FRSGS
This broadcaster and naturalist was responsible for the brilliant Dynasties series in 2018. It is ‘must watch’ television.
The Salesforce.com founder spoke out on tech billionaires hoarding their fortunes. He put his money where his mouth is and is responsible for the “1-1-1 model” whereby his company contributes one percent of the product, one percent of equity, and one percent of employee hours back to the communities it serves globally.
The Lord Bragg CH
Esteemed broadcaster Melvyn Bragg spoke in his mind in a brilliantly candid interview. He openly criticised Brexit, branded David Cameron “smarmy” and told Jeremy Corbyn to “get off the fence.”
Undoubtedly achieved the best journalistic success of the year by exposing the scandal ridden pit of deviants that was Cambridge Analytica.
That this legendary musician is still standing is quite something. She’s also surprisingly anything but a battleaxe and is actually completely charming.
Stacey Dooley MBE
A tireless campaigner against child exploitation, sex trafficking and domestic abuse. Her 2018 series Stacey Dooley Investigates won a One World Media Award and included an episode where she came face-to-face with an ISIS soldier.
Famous for breaking into Buckingham Palace intruder and sitting on Her Majesty the Queen’s bed in 1982, Michael Fagan has written a book about his experiences. In it, he amusingly comments: “They took me out of the room into the pantry and poured me whisky from the Queen’s cupboard. It was Famous Grouse” and adds: “Her bedroom was all right. It was quite plain, just the usual blankets and duvets. It was smaller than I thought it would be.”
Frank Field DL, MP
Whilst we may not all agree with over his support for extreme Brexit, in resigning from the Labour Party over anti-Semitism Frank Field showed himself to be a man of principle.
The Rt. Hon. the Lord Heseltine CH
This ‘Big Beast’ is a rare voice of reason in the Conservative Party. If only they’d listen to him.
Dame Margaret Hodge DBE, MP
There’s many reasons to dislike Margaret Hodge but in challenging anti-Semitism and Jeremy Corbyn, she proved herself useful.
This EU politician likes a beverage and he provided much amusement when he mockingly danced like Theresa May.
Winner – Felicity Kendal CBE
This national treasure and talented actress has morphed into a campaigner. She is deservedly saluted for her work campaigning to save Chelsea’s houseboats from the grasping Moffatt family.
Dame Vera Lynn CH, DBE, OStJ
The We’ll Meet Again singer has to be saluted for reaching the grand old age of 101. Someone should send the “Forces Sweetheart” a pack of Dalmations.
This jetsetting amateur jockey is known for traversing country and being pretty damned successful in business too. His spirit gives hope to us all.
“One of the most private public figures in Washington,” Mueller was awarded a Bronze Star for heroism and a Purple Heart for his service in Vietnam. He has boldly stood up to bombastic attacks on his person by Donald Trump in 2018 and will no doubt be one of the busiest people in politics in 2019.
The Tesla founder amused the world by smoking weed on air and not caring about crashing his stock. He then sadly let himself down by claiming the hero Vernon Unsworth was a paedophile.
The founder of TOMS shoes donated $5 million to a campaign to try to end gun violence in America. More business leaders should follow his lead.
Sir Michael Edward Palin KCMG, CBE, FRGS
This wit and explorer announced he’d be celebrating being made a knight with a cup of Horlicks.
President Vladimir Putin
The Russian premier showed his funny side by high fiving a Saudi and ignoring Donald Trump at same time.
This year it was revealed that ‘Judge Judy’ has made a $400 million fortune from what frankly can only be described as a crap TV show. Good work if you can get it.
The Rt. Hon. Sir Nicholas Soames MP
Churchill’s grandson entertains everyone with his ridiculously long Twitter hashtags. He isn’t afraid either to tell people who annoy him to bog off.
The Rt. Hon. Anna Soubry MP
Anna Soubry has used her position in Parliament to provide the finest opposition to Brexit. She also refuses to cave in to trolls. A genuine heroine in these strange times.
Gareth Southgate OBE
This football manager brought back waistcoat wearing in 2018. “The Gareth Southgate effect” then caused sales of such items to rocket by 35% in M&S.
Geraint Thomas MBE
The first Welshman to win cycling’s Tour de France was humble in victory and now has a velodrome named after him.
Vernon Unsworth MBE
Vernon Unsworth rescued twelve children from a Thai cave but then got wrongly labelled a paedophile by Elon Musk. He rightly got given a gallantry award and deserves victory in the lawsuit he is bringing against the Tesla founder.
This hypocritical fool continues to remain holed up in the Ecuadorian Embassy. He’s cost the country a fortune in policing costs and should just hand himself in.
For corrupting British politics, the bombastic brat Arron Banks deserves to be jailed. He has no shame and is frankly one of the nastiest specimens on the planet.
The ex-Motability chief got a £2.2 million bonus in spite of his incompetence. He deserves a one-way ‘body snatcher-ride’ to the skip.
The former MP for Kensington stupidly claimed the Grenfell tragedy was nothing to do with a faulty fridge and bizarrely blamed the death of 77 innocent people on gangs. ‘Call Me Victoria’ now wants to launch a comeback in 2019 but deserves to be sent the same as her beloved ivory trade: She should be banned.
Sir Richard Branson
This arrogant self-proclaimed “entrepreneur” is nothing but a job-killer. After closing The Roof Gardens in Kensington and wrecking a number of weddings, this dodgy cretin then sacked hundreds of people from one of his so-called businesses. He continues to pocket cash that should have been used to pay for the NHS and should be thoroughly ashamed of himself.
This bizarre television personality claimed he doesn’t believe humans are descended from apes. He is nothing but a stupid ass.
The new Evening Standard food critic is incapable of writing anything of note. He even uses non-words such as “cocktailing” and (in brackets) such expressions as “oof” and “oh God.”
Ben Fogle, FRGS
This tiresome television presenter brings up his children in a “naked house.” He’s also been known to try and throw one of them out of a first floor window whilst as high as a kite.
The Rt. Hon. Dr Liam Fox MP, FRCGP
The International Trade Secretary once hung around with the lovely Natalie Imbruglia but now he’s just morphed into being a Brexit bore and utter prat.
The titleless husband of Elton John likes to moan. The late Alan Clark would have called him “Furnitureless” whilst his ‘friend’ Danny no doubt calls him “Cash Card.”
Sir Philip Green
‘Philly Green’ found himself accused of molestation in 2018 and then had a temper tantrum with a Sky News reporter in Arizona. Aside from having a pig-like daughter and a wife obsessed with her title, this man once branded a “cross between Al Capone and Shylock” by the actor Steven Berkoff is nothing but an utter menace. He should be closed down.
Gloria Hunniford OBE
This television presenter and apologist for Sir Cliff Richard may well think she’s a ‘National Treasure’ but in fact she’s just an utterly awful disgrace.
Sir Elton John CBE
This temperamental musician was slated for his appalling John Lewis advert in 2018. One worker at Peter Jones on Sloane Square said: “It’s not the kind of thing we’d want played in a family orientated store.”
Andrea Leadsom MP
The woman who attacked Theresa May for not having children dressed like a cross between Barbie and Katie Price repeatedly in 2018. ‘Loathsome Leadsom’ needs a visit from Trinny and Sussanah.
The owner of the Evening Standard keeps a wolf in Belgravia. It should be running in the forests not pounding pavements in SW1.
Gerry and Kate McCann
Branded “f**king sick” by Marco Pierre White Jr., it is a disgrace that these child neglecters have cost the taxpayer upwards of £12 million whilst other families whose children have gone missing get little to no help at all.
This creepy television presenter and Dorian Gray wannabe claimed people can’t be born autistic in 2018. Meanwhile, his old bag of a wife Judy Finnigan continued getting sloshed.
Kate Osamor MP
This shameless Labour MP lives in a council house in spite of earning £77,000 per year. The new Diane Abbott?
The then CEO of TSB did nothing useful when his bank’s IT system collapsed. He also has the most ridiculous of names.
President Cyril Ramaphosa
The President of South Africa stole white owned farms in 2018. He should be jailed.
Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman Al Saud
Allowing his henchman to kill Jamal Khashoggi was an utter disgrace. Not apologising for it was even worse.
This all-round wrong-un’ made weird videos after being charged with molestation. He should be banished from our screens.
Winner – Meghan, Duchess of Sussex
The former Meghan Markle was utterly ghastly to her own family. She may think she’s the new Mrs Simpson but she’s actually just a busybody and a PR disaster.
Despite being black himself, this fool said that America should revoke the 13th Amendment and basically go back to the days of slavery in 2018. What a fool.
The Facebook founder announced that people can deny Holocaust in good faith. How very dare he.
The Ones That Will Be Missed
Sister Wendy Beckett
Devout art historian and unlikely TV star.
Ex-wife of Brian Ferry, wife of Robin Birley.
Actress, ‘Alice Tinker’ in Notting Hill.
‘Dirty Den,’ Eastenders.
Winner – Hannah Hauxwell
Eccentric Yorkshire farmer, television star.
Journalist, murdered by the House of Saud.
John McCain III
American politician, Vietnam war hero.
A Year in Provence.
Chef and restaurateur.
‘Tinker’ in Lovejoy.
‘Mini-Me’ in the Austin Powers film series, dwarf.
Bletchley Park, famous for giving the finger.
Dame June Whitfield
Absolutely Fabulous actress.
Arthur’s Café, La Brasserie stalwart.